


I'm just my problem

by KingKay



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Brief mention of blood and gore, Confessions, Eventual Romance, Everyone Has Issues, Fic updated-Now with Plot, Getting Together, Hints of Logicality, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Inappropriate Behavior, Intrusive Thoughts, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Mild Sexual Content, Miscommunication, More Self-Reflection, Nicknames, Panic Attacks, Past Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Prinxiety - Freeform, Psychology, Roman has a lot of issues, Secrets, Self-Reflection, Swearing, cute moments, disturbing imagery, helpful logan, helpful patton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-05-28 10:55:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19392673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingKay/pseuds/KingKay
Summary: Virgil is suffering a few intrusive thoughts of his own and with Remus and Deceit showing up in his room his problems can only get worse. Meanwhile Roman is talking himself out of commiting fratricide and learning that he might not be as 'princely' as he claims. On top of that, Patton can't stop worrying about things and Logan is....feeling.However, Deceit is enjoying making trouble and plotting to cause more but Remus just wants to have some fun.





	1. Virgil's View

**Author's Note:**

> This fic begins where the 'Intrusive Thoughts' video ended.  
> This plot bunny attacked me the moment I finished watching it and now a few days later I decided to actually write it.  
> Hopefully you'll enjoy it.
> 
> I've tweaked the first chapter a little because I found some mistakes and because I can't leave things alone.

“Because I was one of them,” Virgil sighs before sinking back to his room. The dark walls seem to crowd around him, the shadows that have always been familiar distorting and changing into sinister threats filled with monsters. He wipes his shaking hands on his jeans before tugging his sleeves down over them as his thoughts begin to suffocate him.

Taking a deep breath Virgil closes his eyes, counting down before releasing it. The comfort of the breathing exercise gave him something to focus on rather than the tightness in his chest and burning behind his eyes. Slowly his heart starts to slow and his hands untwist from his hoodie as he flexes them to relieve the cramps. Blinking away the remaining dampness from his eyes he sighs and wishes he had a simple trick that could remove the weight of guilt from his shoulders as they sag under the strain of one thought ringing in his head, his own intrusive thought that continues to haunt him.

_This is my fault._

It has been repeatedly returning ever since Deceit’s appearance and now with the Duke showing his face things are only going to get worse. Tugging at the collar of his shirt Virgil tries to ignore the sweat collecting on his back and the worries building in his mind, he doesn’t need to bring on a panic attack when he’s just finished pushing one away.

Instead he reminds himself of what Logan had said, intrusive thoughts are normal, that doesn’t mean they are right or true and trying to force them out only makes them stronger. His own anxiety is feeding the thought and if he doesn’t snap out of it then it would slip into Thomas’s head next and then he would once more be a problem. All his hard work trying to be reasonable, to not return to the extreme reactions of the past would be destroyed. He’s better now and Thomas is better, everything is better… _and I’m ruining it._ Visions of the others fill his mind, Patton’s look of betrayal, Logan’s stern frown of disapproval and Roman’s eyes burning with anger as he hisses out his hatred as slowly they are replaced with the darker sides while Virgil is frozen with fear, letting it happen.

“Get out of my head Remus!” Virgil shouts as he turns around to face the other side standing casually by the lamp in the corner, in Roman’s corner. The sight of the dark side in his room, in Princey’s place is deeply disturbing and causes his frown to deepen. The Duke simply smiles wider at his outburst before bursting into a fit of disturbing giggles.

“Oh, Virge, you’re no fun anymore. Anyway, weren’t you listening to brainiac earlier? Repression is bad for you,” Remus taunts; his voice whinier than normal as he pouts and flutters his eyelashes.

“I’m not repressing, I’m demanding that you leave before I make you,” Virgil growls, his voice deepening and echoing as his emotions grow out of control. He inhales sharply through his nose before letting out a long breath while thinking, _get a hold of yourself_. He just needs to remember what Logan said but the only thing he can remember is Logan pointing to him and saying that he is the problem, that it’s his reactions to the Duke that upset Thomas. Logan knows that he’s trouble and soon the others will too and then they would hate him again, they would……Virgil cut off the thought before it finishes, before he can begin imagining and glares at Remus.

“Go away, I’m not listening to you and I’m not scared of you anymore,” says Virgil evenly the irritation in his tone nothing but a normal growl.

“Deceit? Is that you?” Remus asks as overly dramatic as his brother, pressing his hands to his cheeks with an expression of fake shock. Gradually it fades back to his manic smile, making him look the perfect picture of a cartoon villain with his curled moustache. “Oh, no, it’s still you Virgil except your scales are showing.”

Feeling the brush of energy over his face Virgil reaches up, the roughness on his cheek isn’t a surprise and he removes the scaly skin with a wave of his hand. As his hand drops it curls into a fist, his fight or flight response rearing up at Remus’s attack. With flight impossible his body is preparing to fight, sending adrenaline coursing through his veins and he pulls back his lips into a snarl, baring his teeth.

“Damn it,” Virgil grits out as he sucks in another breath which doesn’t stop the pounding of his heart as it batters his ribcage painfully. He needs to calm down, needs to think, but everything is too much and he’s never been good at dealing with stress. He can feel his eyes darkening, the makeup spreading further as his distorted voice roars out of him towards Remus, bouncing off the walls until it finally fades away.

“I am not the problem and I am not to blame!”

“Of course not, after all how could anything dangerous get past Thomas’s dependable and over excitable watch dog,” drawls Deceit as he rises up to stand beside Remus in front of the spider curtains. _That’s Patton’ place_ , Virgil thinks but bites back saying the words aloud.

Virgil trails his eyes over their mostly black outfits, noticing how well they fit here, as if they belong in his dark corner. When the others had come here looking for him they had stood out clearly, too bright, too nice and far too good to be near him. He glances down at his own clothes, the purple patches on his hoodie giving him a little colour. He used to blend in, wanted to disappear and hide in the shadows but not now.

He’s become someone new but he can’t pretend, can’t forget who he was and maybe that’s a good thing. He’s been dealing with Deceit and Remus for years; until he left and found something better however he remembers how things work. They all feed off each other, working together, whether intentional or not. His fears are fuel for Remus’s dark desires while his… paranoia creates lies for Deceit to use. In return Remus gave him new terrors and fears while Deceit helped him make his lies sound reasonable, truthful and trustworthy. He’d just wanted to keep Thomas safe, still wants that but first he has to protect himself, otherwise he’ll be nothing but a failure.

“I am not the only problem but I accept some of the blame,” he stutters out, the truth causing Deceit to flinch. He is partly to blame, always worrying, always on guard, sounding the alarm to such an extreme because of the Duke’s suggestions which are nonsense _, they don’t matter_.

“If Thomas hadn’t accepted me then he would never have discovered you,” Virgil continues as he takes a single small step closer to Deceit. He feels bolder as the other tries to hide the worry on his face and appear unfazed but Virgil can see through him. They used to be friends once, best friends until he left.

“I don’t need your lies to make myself heard anymore and I’m sorry I said I wasn’t sure if we were-are friends. I can’t stop you from being in Thomas’s life and I shouldn’t have tried, it’s not my place to make that decision.”

Deceit looks away with a snort, showing the scaled side of his face, “Indeed,” he says before his slitted yellow pupil glances back at Virgil, locking with Virgil’s deep brown eyes for a moment, “Well, this has been a disgustingly sentimental little chat that I have no interest in continuing.”

Virgil felt the corner of his mouth curl up as Deceit pushes his hat back a little and relaxes his stance; his twisted way of talking is easy to understand if you think of it as heavy sarcasm.

“Don’t forget about me,” Remus interrupts as he throws his arm around Virgil’s shoulder, “Can I be one of your friends Virgil, a special friend perhaps,” he adds with a leer.

Virgil had tensed the moment the Duke touched him and doesn’t try to hide the disgust on his face as his words. He’s not sure if he’s more grossed out by the suggestion or the bulge pressing on the outside of his leg. Shoving the other away, he pulls his hoodie tighter around himself and only just resists conjuring a bucket of bleach to wash in instead settling for a cat like hiss.

“Hell no! Ugh!”

He closes his eyes to the disturbing images that are now swimming in his head and wonders if he can as an imaginary construct vomit, it’s looking possible as his stomach churns and bile rises in his throat. Swallowing it back down, he grimaces at the bitter taste as he opens his eyes and shoots Remus a dark look from under his bangs.

“Oh I see,” Remus chortles as he shimmies his shoulders, “You’d rather have my brother for your lover, eh.”

 _I shouldn’t have opened my eyes_ , Virgil mental scolds himself as he watches Remus become Roman, black changing to white which is blinding in the darkness surrounding them. He can almost believe it’s the other side as Remus strikes Princey’s favourite pose, winking at Virgil before giving him a charming smile.

“What do you think?” Remus asks, his voice no longer high and sharp but smooth and regal, “Would you like to hold my sword?”

Remus’s hands move to his trousers and Virgil snaps back to reality and quickly looks away throwing up his own hands as if that would stop Remus.

“Also no,” Virgil says firmly.

As he turns back hesitantly his eyes unwillingly meet Deceit’s and he wonders if he will say anything. Instead Deceit brings a gloved finger to his lips, the silent shush replaced with a smirk as he starts to slowly clap his hands in obvious mockery.

“Bravo, how very….Creative of you. If my blood didn’t already run cold it would be ice right now.”

Deceit’s words distract Remus so he turns away from Virgil, who gives Deceit a wide eyed look, clearly asking why he’s stirring the pot and practically begging for Remus to come up with something worse. Deceit doesn’t react to either of them as he gazes with disinterest at his gloved hand and ignores the Duke’s offended huffs. Virgil’s worries lessen, drifting away thanks in part to Deceit’s calm attitude but also because he’s finally beginning to understand how powerless the Duke is.

“He’s not so scary anymore, is he?” Virgil asks, “I’m actually kinda glad you made him reveal himself. It….it makes things easier, for me. One less thing to worry about, or at least worry less about.”

Despite his words Virgil still flinches back when Remus spins around to face him once more, letting out an ear piercing shriek. The noise hurts his head and Virgil brings up his hands in a pointless attempt to block it as he growls in annoyance.

“You’ve already done that! You’re not scary, you’re boring. You go on about being silly and unpredictable, but in reality you are just plain boring,” Virgil said calmly as he lowers his hands and smiles at Remus’s honestly shocked expression. “Come back when you have something new.”

Remus raises an eyebrow as he saunters over to Virgil, standing toe to toe and eye to eye. Far too close for comfort but Virgil locks his legs refusing to be pushed around in his own room, his domain.

“You want something new, how about this thought?” Remus’s voice drops to a whisper, taking on a sing song quality as he continues, “You can’t protect Thomas without being the bad guy. You will always be one of us Virge. One of us, one of us.”

The chant continuing as he sinks down and disappears, only once Virgil is sure that he’s gone does he let out the shaky breath he was holding and rake a hand through his hair with a groan.

“Well that certainly won’t get stuck in your head,” Deceit says which pulls a humourless chuckle from Virgil.

“You know it will, I can’t stop that but what I can do is not let it get to me. We’re just Thomas’s sides, different pieces of him. Good or bad, light or dark, it doesn’t matter. I used to think it did,” Virgil admits, brushing his fringe back down over his eyes before chewing on his nails, another habit of his own anxiety that shows he’s not as confident as he’s trying to sound.

“Interesting perspective, you’ve always seen things clearer than some,” Deceit says with a nod before his tone drops lower, becoming smoother, “However so do I. I can’t say I’m surprised by your feelings for Roman. It’s not at all cliché to want the classically charming Prince to sweep you off your feet.”

“I think you meant conceited and obnoxious. Also, I thought Remus was supposed to be the crazy one but you sound as demented as him right now.” Virgil says with a sneer, his tone filled with contempt . He had begun to relax when Remus left but Deceit’s pointed words are drawing him taut once more. The tension made painful by Deceit’s unwavering stare until Virgil resorts to hiding from it by pulling his hood up. The rich chuckle that slides from Deceit causes his mouth to go dry and he swallows as a pang of fear races through him.

“And I thought I was the liar,” Deceit replied as he grips the top of Virgil’s arms and draws him closer. Virgil is getting sick of people touching him but Deceit’s next words freeze him in place making him unable to escape, “All your secrets are safe with me, since I’d hate to see you get hurt my friend.”

Before Virgil manages to un-stick his tongue from the roof of his mouth Deceit is already leaving, waving his fingers goodbye as he slowly sinks into nothing.

Virgil’s legs give out a second later and he drops down onto the steps of the staircase, his head buried in his hands. He isn’t worried about the problems his acceptance within the group has caused with the darker sides, he isn’t beating himself up about not stopping them or even his recent over reaction to Remus, which had hurt Thomas and kept him from sleep. Not even Remus’s parting words remained to drive him crazy. All of that has been pushed aside, forgotten for now and replaced with something new, something worse.

_What if the others discover his secrets? What if Roman finds out? What would happen then?_

_Why can’t things ever be simple?_


	2. Princey's Problem

Roman’s smile fades as soon as he appears in his room and letting out a dramatically deep groan he flops down onto the canopy bed he has in place of Thomas’s couch. The sheer curtains flutter, stirred by his movement before setting back into place. With a frown Roman peers through them at the Disney posters plastered in overlapping layers on every wall. The smiling faces and bright colours doing nothing to improve his sour mood, _as if anything could cheer me up_ , he thinks before pulling the cover over his head.

His brother, his shameful secret revealed to Thomas and his hundreds, nay thousands, of adoring fans, why, he’s tempted never to show his face again. Perhaps he would be better off remaining hidden under his luxuriously soft red duvet forever, but alas, Remus isn’t a boogieman that can be banished so easily.

Huffing out a breath in the increasingly warm air collecting under the covers he throws them off and gets to his feet. Stood before his floor length mirror he runs a hand through his hair, ensuring that not a single one is out of place and smooths the wrinkles from his clothes. Standards still need to be meet, it’s important, perhaps now more than ever. Looking around the empty room his shoulders slowly begin to sag, his expression turning darker.

“Oh, what’s the point,” he mutters out loud, there isn’t much point worrying about appearances anymore, his image was tarnished beyond repair the moment Remus knocked him out.

Stepping over to the arched window he leans beside it, arms crossed as he gazes out over his kingdom. The rolling hills, deep forests and distant mountains like a picture from a fairytale, which is precisely what it is. A conjured view pieced together from a dozen different stories, just like the bed and the spot light and the blue bird that circles his head singing it’s sweet tune before flying outside again. All his ideas and imagination and he can’t find a way to get rid of Remus, briefly his eyes land on his sword displayed on the wall.

 _Wouldn’t work_ , his mind whispers. Even if it would he couldn’t do it, he’s the Prince, the good guy and stabbing his brother would make him just like his dark twin which is a fate worse than death.

A shiver goes down his spine at the idea of becoming like the Duke. Bad enough that he occasional manages to sneak his words out of Roman’s mouth already, bleeding through since they are both creativity. That idea makes Roman scoff because Remus isn’t creative; he’s sick, insane and dangerous. He needs to be defeated, once and for all.

Roman can begrudgingly admit that this isn’t the first time he’s been stumped and on his worse days he wonders if he is truly strong enough. Even the most dashing of Princes can sometimes think of themselves as lacking but he always believed that these were simply tests that he would overcome given time leading him to be even greater. Take Hercules, he had to perform twelve, seemingly impossible task before achieving victory, while he only had to solve one, quite annoying, problem.

 _Maybe I simply need to keep trying_.

Feeling full of vigour Roman puffs out his chest and grins confidently as he moves over to his desk. Drawing the chair back he sits in the throne like seat and snatches up a clean, if crumpled sheet of paper along with a large bright purple quill. Putting it to paper he pauses and looks at the rich colour which brings to mind thoughts of royalty and creativity and….

Roman shakes his head; he can’t afford to become distracted when there are plans to be made. He told Thomas that Remus wouldn’t return and he would stop at nothing to make his words come true.

“Focus Roman,” he says frowning down at the blank paper, “There must be a way.”

A minute passes and then another as his quill hovers over the page. He has nothing, not one idea, creative or otherwise.

“Mother-,” he starts but cuts off the curse, refusing to be crude he instead takes a calming breath, “I just need to start.”

Staring at the white rectangle always throws him, the blank canvas filled with too many possibilities but once he starts then they will pour out of him. He scratches a line in the corner, nothing but a mark, a blemish. He adds another line, then a shorter dash adding loops and squiggles he builds up a collection of them. He’s not really paying attention to his hands movement; letting it dance over the paper while his mind drifts off to somewhere else.

Time slows to a crawl as he comes up with one idea after another, each one filled with flaws. This one is too farfetched, this one too difficult and this one? Roman peers at his messily rushed writing, this is just stupid. Roman groans as he throws the quill down on his desk and drops his head back.

 _It’s not fair_ , why couldn’t the dark sides just remain in the secret corners of Thomas’s mind? They have been hovering at the edges for years, waiting like jackals for a weak point to step forward and take the stage. If Thomas hadn’t shined a light on Finding Emo-

Roman curls his lip at the mean nickname, it’s petty and he should be above such things but he never seems to be able to stop himself in time. The moment he gets frustrated or feels threatened or ignored he succumbs to childish insults and playground bullying, _so much for being the good guy_. Well at least that is something he can work on, he’s already improved with Virgil and next on the list is being more pleasant to Logan.

“Even if he is unbearably stuck up at times,” Roman mutters as he rolls his eyes.

“Stuck up? That sounds interesting. You know you could literally stick him up, glue the skin right to the wall.”

Roman jumps up, spinning on the spot with the grace of a dancer as his sword appears in his hand pointing at the mirror. Remus smiles from the other side, waving his fingers in greeting and eyeing up the sharp tip of the blade with interest rather than fear. Roman tightens his grip on the handle and clenches his jaw while he sneers at his dark twin.

“Be gone foul beast,” he growls. He doesn’t expect it to work and isn’t surprised when Remus steps out of the mirror with his hand over his heart as if deeply injured. Roman might have believed it; if not for the fact he knows Remus doesn’t possess a heart. On the off chance he does, it is black and stopped beating a long time ago.

“Well that’s not very nice,” Remus taunts waving a finger at Roman, “Careful or I may have to give you an ass whopping.”

Roman gags a little at the hungry expression on Remus’s face, disgusted beyond reason and unable to speak. Thankfully Remus looks away, his eyes taking in Roman’s room with mild discomfort.

“My, isn’t this place colourful, like rainbow diarrhoea,” stepping away he pauses before a poster from the little mermaid, the iconic scene of Ariel braced on a rock surrounded by waves while smiling out at the human world.

“Y’know,” Remus begins looking back over his shoulder, “In the original story she dies, the prince marries someone else and leaves her behind. Even when given a chance to return to the sea in exchange for his life the silly thing still chooses death. Don’t you think that ending is far more fascinating than a happy ever after?”

“No, I don’t,” Roman firmly states, lowering the sword to the ground he lets out a deep sigh, “What do you want, Remus? I’m sure you aren’t here just to critique my décor.”

Remus’s demented grin grows somehow wider as he spins on his heel, arms outstretched and moves closer.

“Why, I just wanted to see my brother, it has been so long since we’ve talked.”

Roman takes a step back, knocking into the chair and lifts the sword again preventing Remus from embracing him. The very idea of being touched by the Duke makes his blood run cold and raises the hairs on the back of his neck. Remus stops, his smile fading to a smirk as he lifts one eyebrow.

“Are you going to stab me, oh that would be delightfully dark of you. Maybe ‘panic’more’s violent tendencies are rubbing off on you, although he really didn’t like me rubbing off on him,” Remus says with a giggle.

Roman’s head fills with several unwanted images at Remus’s statement, his manic laugh grates on his ears and as if a switch inside him has been flipped he forgets about remaining calm. With a red haze before his eyes he storms forward, the edge of his sword resting lightly, for now, on Remus’s neck. In a low growl he speaks each word slowly and carefully to ensure that Remus hears every one of them clearly.

“What, did you do, to Virgil?”

Remus leans into his blade, unfazed with eyes that sparkle with mischief, “Oh nothing, it was just a little joke from when I popped to his room, so relax. I didn’t mean to hit a nerve; I’m much more interested in hitting a vein”

Roman sneers as he steps back removing the sword before temptation outweighs his morals. However he doesn’t stop glaring at Remus, the sound of blood still pounds in his ears and his muscles are twisted tight, ready to spring into action. Taking a second Roman forces himself to relax, to not rise to Remus’s bait since it’s exactly what he wants.

“Indeed,” Roman says as nonchalantly as possible while he makes a mental note to visit the other side soon. Just to make sure Remus hasn’t caused any damage. Virgil and he might not be the closest of friends but Roman feels, perhaps irrationally, that he is responsible for Remus’s actions. _I guess it’s fitting that I should have a hero complex_ , Roman thinks before pushing it away to focus back on the problem before him, namely the Duke, who has moved around him and sat himself in Roman’s throne as if he owns the place. Realising that Remus is reaching for the paper lying on the solid wooden tabletop and that it is filled with plans to vanquish his dark twin Roman quickly snatches it away.

“It’s rude to snatch,” Remus teases as he leans his head back to look up at Roman stood behind him.

“It’s rude to show up uninvited and poke around other people's things,” Roman snaps back as he hides the paper inside his jacket.

“Well yes, but I’ve never claimed otherwise. You on the other hand Princey,” Remus pauses to remove one of his hands and uses it to scratch his head, the sight making Roman momentarily shut his eyes until he continues speaking, “You are always preaching about your goodness, your standards. Kinda boring really,” Remus says as he gets back up and titles his head to the side, matching Roman’s gaze with silent inquiry as he fixes his hand back onto his wrist with a disgusting crunching sound.

“Being a decent person is not boring but I know that trying to explain that to you would be a waste of my very precious time. Now it has been, well horrible, catching up with you, lets never do it again,” Roman suggests as he waves Remus back towards the mirror. The thought of offering the window for Remus to throw himself out of briefly flitters through his mind but Roman blatantly ignores it.

“Very well,” Remus huffs as he heads towards the mirror, before stopping and looking back at Roman with a small smirk, “Just remember brother, I’ll never be far away because no matter what you do or say we are connected, we are the same.”

“I am nothing like you,” Roman says coldly, Remus laughs at him before stepping back through the mirror and disappearing so that his own regal self stares back. His face is pale and fury blazes in his eyes, both unpleasant pieces of evidence that Roman isn’t as unaffected as he pretends to be. Turning away before he does something reckless, like smash the mirror into a million pieces or vanish it from existence, Roman seats himself on his bed and buries his head in his hands.

 _I really don’t like him_ , Roman thinks as Remus’s words dance through his skull making a damn parade with his self doubt and fears and all the other things he would rather not dwell on, thank you very much. For a moment he considers locking them all away in the back of his mind like before but something stops him. Something Logan said, about repression being bad for you pushes itself to the front and so he takes a deep breath and confronts his demons.

No matter how much he wishes otherwise Remus is right, they are connected and no matter how hard he tries to sever that link it will always remain. A thought here, a cruel comment there but…but they are not the same.

Roman isn’t perfect and that’s a hard truth to admit even to himself but he tries, Sweet Zeus does he try. He works hard to give Thomas fresh ideas and pushes him constantly to follow his dreams, telling him over and over that he can achieve anything he wants. He has gotten better at talking to the others, to listening to what they have to say even if he disagrees or would rather not hear it. He is learning to swallow his pride when he is wrong, when he makes mistakes and instead work to solve problems rather than cause them.

Still he knows he can be a tiny bit selfish, that he can sometimes be vain or pretentious but that is only because he is passionate about his work, about living up to the impossible standards he holds himself to and that the others hold him to. Shaking his head Roman blows out a breath and makes more of an effort to stop lying to himself.

He wants attention, wants to show off, to be a star that outshines everyone in the room, he practically needs it sometimes. He needs to feel useful and better than most because he feels so much less important than them. He doesn’t have to be a ‘know it all’ like Logan to work out that his brother is to blame for his feeling of inadequacy. Being only half of a side, well honestly, it makes him downright miserable. He doesn’t want to be a part of Remus but he does what to be everything when it comes to Thomas’s creativity, wants the role to be solely his to play.

Sighing he pulls out the piece of paper from his jacket, the creases worse than before and he smoothes them out on his lap, a collection of failed ideas fill the page. Actually that’s not true, there in the right hand corner are the random marks he made to kick his brain into gear. Peering closer at the nonsensical scribbles Roman thinks he can make out something meaningful, frowning he turns the paper and then drops it on the floor as he jumps to his feet, stuck by a thought.

_Virgil._

Roman had promised to check on him after Remus mentioned visiting the anxious side, just for Roman’s own piece of mind of course, because it isn’t as if he really cares. He glances down at the paper by his feet, picking it up he studies it once more before squashing it into a ball and throwing it into the bin. Of course he misses and after hitting the rim it bounces back out to rest beside his chair leg.

 _It can wait_ , Roman decides as he sinks out of his room to the dark corner where Virgil resides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure where this is going but I have a few more chapters planned out. Comments welcome, positive or otherwise.


	3. Patton's Promise and Logan's Lesson

Patton emerges in his room, the childish trinkets and old pictures instantly relaxing him. Reaching out he picks up a tattered old book and sits down on the sofa. Opening the first page a large smile spreads over his face at a tiny Thomas, barely 5 years old; play fighting with a stick sword and a plastic helmet that is half falling over his eyes. If Patton looks closely he can almost see Roman in Thomas’s expression, encouraging and guiding his imagination. Thomas has always been creative, coming up with elaborate worlds filled with magic.

Turning the page Patton keeps smiling as he travels through Thomas’s life, watching as he moves into adultery. His smile slipping for a moment as he reaches Thomas’s teenage years, things had been hard then. There had been so many new emotions to handle and all the questions about what is right and wrong. _I really thought I had managed to answer them all_ , Patton thinks as he closes the book and peers around his room.

Deep down Patton is aware, just like Thomas is; that the world isn’t black and white. There have always been shades of grey. Deceit was born from that knowledge, that sometimes the right answer isn’t the best one. A necessary side developed to protect Thomas much like his dark strange son, however while Virgil can be….too protective sometimes, Deceit well…. for Deceit, only Thomas’s goals matter and if he can achieve that, even if that means being bad then he will.

Patton doesn’t dislike Deceit but he can’t agree with him because he has morals, _obviously since I’m morality_ , Patton thinks with a chuckle before becoming serious once more. Lying is wrong 99.9 percent of the time but sometimes a lie is the right choice, either to spare someone’s feelings or to protect yourself. The difference is lying with good reason and lying for selfish reasons; if Deceit could understand that then maybe they could get along better.

Standing up Patton replaces the photo album on his shelf and instead picks up one of Thomas’s old scripts. Even years later Patton can recall the lines since Thomas had spent hours rehearsing until he had gotten them perfect. Mouthing along as his eyes scan the pages he sinks to his knees and begins to lose himself in memories until he comes to a line that throws him back to the present.

Blinking he frowns at the line that has unfortunately reminded him of Remus and brings with it the icky thoughts again. A shiver going down his spine as he thinks about the unpleasant side and his eyes begin looking for a new distraction, a way to-

“Oh,” Patton whispers as he realises what he’s doing, what he’s done before. He’s trying to repress the bad memories, repress the bad feelings. Nervously tugging at the sleeves of the jumper tied around his shoulders he concentrates and closes his eyes against the items around him, the pull to fall into nostalgia.

It’s hard; he finds his mind drifting away in defence so that he doesn’t get upset. That’s what he used to do but the truth is that he has a lot of feelings, good and bad, and that’s ok. They sang a whole song about it being normal to feel certain ways, where they became puppets, even Logan had joined in. Opening his eyes Patton looks for Thomas’s old lunchbox, the paper bag puppet he had become making him think of school lunches.

Letting out a groan, Patton once again realises that he’s repressing and letting his mind drift onto something else rather than face what’s bothering him hoping it will go away. It doesn’t, he can feel the tension in his shoulders, the heaviness in his gut and how the corners of his mouth are turning down. Taking a deep breath he focuses on how he honestly feels, which is uneasy. He told Thomas, promised him even that he would accept whatever dark things might lurk in his head but Remus had scared him, a lot, and without the others his fears are creeping back. If only he could stay calm and be logical about everything.

Jumping up Patton squeals in delight, _that’s exactly what I need_ , he thinks. He needs logic or in this case Logan, the serious side with his ability to rationalise things is the perfect person to talk to.

A second later Patton appears in Logan’s room where the other side is sat at his desk. The large pile of books beside him untouched while Logan stares unblinkingly forward.

“Logan, I-.” Patton begins but in his haste to react the other side he trips over his own feet and ends up with his cheek pressed to the carpet.

“Patton,” Logan gasps as he rises and steps forward, “Are you injured?”

Patton lets out a chuckle of embarrassment as Logan helps him to his feet, “Nah, I’m alright. I just decided to take a **trip** to see you.”

His pun causes Logan to roll his eyes as he leads Patton to a second chair, ensuring that he is sat down before joining him.

“I doubt you intended to be quite so literal. Now, would you care to explain your unforeseen visit?”

“Oh, right, I wanted some help and well, you always know the answers to everything so I came here,” Patton explains as he leans forward, resting his head on his hand as he gazes at Logan.

“Hmm, well that is a surprisingly intelligent deduction. What precisely are you having issues with?”

Patton glances away, finding the spine of a book he runs his finger along it and tries to organise the thoughts in his head. He doesn’t want to seem silly or worse stupid around Logan and now he’s worried he is doing that by saying nothing. Quickly he blurts out the first thing that pops into his head.

“Am I really too strict?”

It’s not what he had planned to ask but now the words are out he doesn’t attempt to take them back because he honestly wants to know. Logan reaches up and fixes his glasses letting out a hum, his gaze stern and serious as it focuses on Patton. Fighting the urge to fidget like a misbehaving child under the fixed stare Patton instead offers a small shy smile.

“The direct answer is yes,” Logan says and it’s not what Patton wants to hear, his shoulders dropping and eyes growing damp. He doesn’t like being to blame, he would never intentionally hurt Thomas but he knows he has and will again most likely. Slowly climbing to his feet, he prepares to leave as his chest aches with the feelings that are painfully expanding inside him. He doesn’t want to bother Logan by being overly emotional. _It would make him feel really uncomfortable,_ Patton thinks as he forces himself to appear cheery.

“Right, thanks Logan,” Patton says, he wants to come up with a pun but his humour is buried beneath the hard truth Logan has just given him.

“Please return to your seat Patton, that is the direct answer which I see now may have been misunderstood to the point it has caused you distress. I did not mean to ‘burn’ you,” Logan says as he pulls out one of his ‘vocab’ cards, giving it a look of confusion. Despite his current unhappy state Patton grins at Logan’s attempt to learn modern slang words. He thinks it’s nice that Logan rather than ignore them, views it as an opportunity to learn something new.

He sinks back into his seat and wipes at the corner of his eye, the tears held at bay for now but he knows that it won’t take much to make them fall. Thankfully Logan is smart enough to notice this and conjures a box of tissues placing them between them on the table before continuing to explain.

“You can sometimes be strict with Thomas however that is because Thomas expects you to be, just as his own parental units were with him. You were created with the sole purpose of guiding Thomas to be kind, generous and friendly, as well as a multitude of other positive traits that encourage him to be a good person. As we have witnessed in the past these things are not intrinsic in Thomas or most people for that matter, rather they are guided by the morals they choose to follow. Thomas follows your lead and if you are indeed strict with him it is because that is how he feels you should behave. Would I be correct to assume that this question came about because of Remus?” Logan asks and at Patton’s nod he leans forward in his chair, resting his elbows on the table and steeples his fingers. “That does not surprise me, his very existence conflicts with Thomas’s morals of right and wrong, it therefore makes sense that you would be strongly affected by his presence.”

“I mean I guess so. I know Thomas isn’t really to blame for his thoughts, I listened to what you said and I’m really hoping to keep my promise not to give Thomas trouble about them but…” Patton let out a dejected sigh, his voice going quiet and shaky. “I don’t know if I can and I don’t want to hurt him because I expect too much from him. Sorry I know you don’t like dealing with feelings.”

Reaching for a tissue Patton uses it to loudly blow his nose and then takes a second one because he can feel the tears gathering in his eyes. A hand gently coming to rest on his arm draws his eyes back to Logan’s face, his expression neutral.

“It would be a more accurate statement to say that I do not comprehend emotions, unlike learning new words or exploring creative ideas, emotions lack any sort of reason or logic. This does not mean that I fail to understand their importance or significant, I do not intentionally wish to cause you discomfort if it can be avoided. You came to me for answers, ones that I can provide using facts and knowledge. If this is not helpful then perhaps you should seek out Roman or even Virgil to converse with.”

Patton gave Logan a wide smile as he tilts his head to the side, “I could, but…I wanted your help. I know you’ll give me the truth and I also feel safe with you.”

The look of shock on Logan’s face made Patton giggle, it’s so rare to see the other side lost for words. Looking like a goldfish as his mouth flaps open and closed a few time until he finds the right words.

“I make you feel safe? My apologies but I’m struggling to process how I accomplished that.”

“It’s simple,” Patton shrugs, “You’re always so put together and calm. You explain things, give meaning to feelings and make them better. Like right now for instance.”

“Oh, well, I’m pleased I could be of assistance. Is there anything else you wish to discuss?”

“I do have more questions. Firstly, why is your hand on my arm?” Patton asks, regretting it when Logan quickly snatches back his hand using it to push his glasses back in place.

“I read that physical contact could be used as a form of comfort when someone is experiencing unpleasant emotions, is my knowledge incorrect?”

Patton shakes his head as he reaches out and captures Logan’s hand in his, “No, you’re correct, thank you Logan. It really does help.”

Logan is looking down at their joined hands with a slight frown and Patton relaxes his grip, waiting to see if Logan pulls away. He doesn’t and drawing strength from the simple touch Patton gets into his other reasons for seeking Logan out.

“I’m also worried about repression, I know what it means now and I noticed that I kinda, well repress a lot. Not as much as I used to but,” Patton stops to take a deep breath as his emotions rise. He knows that if he was in his room he’d already be crying but Logan’s room heightens rationality. Thinking harder Patton takes another look at his feelings, this time he doesn’t find himself being overwhelmed.

“I won’t ever be comfortable with Remus or Thomas’s icky thoughts but I don’t want to create problems for Thomas. If repressing is bad and I was doing that then I must have hurt Thomas in the past. I don’t want to do that, it hurts me when I hurt him,” Patton explains, still not sure if his words make sense. Logan however nods and Patton lets out a rush of air, waiting for the other side to offer his input.

“Realising the problem is the first step to fixing the issue; the second would be limiting the behaviour which in this case is repression. You have already begun to do that so you simply need to continue as you are, indentifying and rectifying. As for the other matter, your views are rational, if you became comfortable with the ‘icky’ thoughts as you call them then Thomas could potentially see them as acceptable and theoretically then find them tempting. That is something that must be avoided, unless you want a case like Jeffery Dahmer.”

Patton shivers in disgust just hearing that name, his hand unconsciously tightening on Logan’s as his eyes close. Logan’s thumb brushing his knuckles forces his eyes open so that he can see the soft look in Logan’s eyes and the tiny smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Understand the thoughts, see that they are in majority irrelevant but do not view them as acceptable Patton. They are often offensive and dangerous; you must continue to expose them as such for Thomas’s sake. You are on occasion strict because you care, it is an admirable trait. However it is due to that very trait that makes not hurting Thomas an unattainable and unrealistic goal. As long as you continue to care, Thomas cares and with that comes the inevitable fact that he will suffer emotional pain. While that sounds negative and may encourage you to repress your emotions in an attempt to protect Thomas, in reality it is a positive experience for Thomas to have. You have said it before yourself, that life is made up of both good and bad moments but that the less desirable are necessary to truly appreciate the more enjoyable times,” Logan finishes looking proudly at Patton.

“You make it sound like I’m smart, or something,” Patton teases as he sniffs and blinks away tears once more. He doesn’t think Logan has ever been proud of him before.

“Intelligence comes in many forms; in your own way Patton you are smart.”

Unable to help himself Patton moves forward, leaning awkwardly over the table he wraps his arms around Logan, “Thank you, you really are cool,” he whispers before pulling out of the impulsive hug.

“Uh…oh, um, you’re welcome,” Logan stutters reaching up and playing with his glasses for a moment and not quite meeting Patton’s eyes as a smile spreads over his face.

“I better go, I’m sure you’re busy and I want to check on Roman and Virgil in case those boys need their happy pappy,” Patton says as he shuffles his feet, feeling embarrassed for his public display of affection.

“Actually, I require your assistance, if you can spare a few minutes?”

“Really, then sure thing,” Patton answers quickly, sitting down with a large smile. “What’s up?”

“Several things are up, the ceiling for example-. Ah, you didn’t mean that literally did you,” Logan says taking in Patton’s widening grin. “Moving on, I seem to be experiencing an emotion to a stronger degree than usual, it is also persisting after the moment when the emotion occurred. Is this something that people experience regularly?”

Patton’s mouth drops open and his hands fly up to stop the excited scream from exploding out, while he knows Logan experiences emotions they tend to be fleeting and rare. Clearing his throat Patton tries to look at Logan’s question seriously and then fails by promptly making a joke.

“Are you asking me to **teach** you, teach?”

Logan groans, as he straightens his tie and raises an eyebrow, “I am merely seeking knowledge from the best source.”

“Alright, I know you wear a necktie but you don’t have to be serious all the time. To answer your question, people experience lots of emotions, often times several at once and how long they last is kinda random,” he says with a shrug.

“Random, I don’t like the implications of that word. Does this mean that this feeling may persist perpetually? I mean forever,” Logan says to clarify at Patton’s frown of confusion.

“That’s pretty unlikely; feelings fade and return depending on a whole bunch of things. What exactly are you feeling, is it bad?” Patton whispers becoming concerned.

“Quite the opposite, it is a pleasant feeling but I find it disquieting that I am euphoric about such a trivial past event.”

“Huh.”

It’s the only answer Patton can give; talking to Logan can be difficult sometimes as he forgets not everyone has read a thesaurus front to back, probably, more than once.

“I feel. I feel very happy that Thomas thinks I am cool. You mentioning it again heightened the feeling which has yet to dissipate,” Logan says tripping over his words for a moment.

“Oh, I gotta say, I don’t really understand what the problem is. What’s so bad about being pleased that Thomas appreciates you and thinks highly of your abilities? The feeling is probably stronger because Thomas’s opinion means a lot to you and most of the time he forgets to thank you for all the things you do for him. As for the feeling lasting, that’s your doing. You’re holding onto it because it’s a nice feeling and Thomas’s praise is important to you, so you keep remembering it. The feeling will unfortunately fade so my advice would be to hold onto it for as long as possible. Enjoy the good things while they last and they’ll help get you through the bad,” Patton advises.

“There is logic in your suggestion; therefore I will endeavour to follow your advice. Thank you Patton for giving me perspective on this matter.”

“Anytime Lo, after all…you **matter**.”

“As does anything that has mass,” Logan replies and then quickly covers his mouth, his eyes going wide.

“Aww, science related dad joke, good one,” Patton says bringing his hands together and placing them against his chest.

“I am incredible disappointed in myself right now,” Logan sighs as he adjusts his glasses. “I believe you intended to visit the others.”

“That’s right, I almost forgot,” Patton says sheepishly, “See you around Logan.”

Sinking out Patton comes back up in Roman’s room only to find it empty.

“Princey?” Patton calls as he looks around the room. Noticing the sword left on the floor by the bed his mind starts to spin as he imagines why it has been left so carelessly. _Roman can be messy sometimes_ , he tries to reason with himself but the fact that Roman is gone fills him with dread. He’s convinced that after seeing his brother Roman’s pride would be pretty bruised and he always locks himself away in his room when that happens.

With his worry growing Patton continues to look for any sort of clue, as he imagines the worse possible scenarios. _What if Remus took him? What if he kidnapped Roman or hurt him? If anyone could find a way to hurt the other side Remus is the only one crazy enough to do it._ His fears keep growing out of control becoming completely unrealistic. The creativity that Roman’s room inspires latching onto his concerns and turns them into nightmarish possibilities.

Patton’s wide eyes finally spot something, a balled up piece of paper lying near the throne before roman’s desk. Dropping to his knees he scrambles forward and uncurls the paper, looking at it he frowns. While Roman’s writing is messy he has no trouble working out the general gist and he studies the plans which are all designed with one purpose, to remove Remus from Thomas’s mind permanently. Uncomfortable with some of the darker plots Patton is about to freak out and destroy the paper or... _Maybe I should take it to Logan_ , he thinks before he notices the scribbles in the corner. Doodled stars and crowns mixed in with meaningless lines and squiggles.

 _Aww, look a love heart_ , the tiny symbol sitting above a line between a sort of V shape and a…

Frowning harder Patton turns the paper, moving it away from his face until slowly the letters appear. They had been hidden within the other marks but now he could see them nothing he did could make him stop seeing them.

_Virgil._

Patton traces the letters with a finger, a smile gradually splitting his face in two as he lets out a small chuckle. _About time_ , he thinks as he sits on Roman’s bed and waits for him to return. He now has a good idea of where Roman has gone and he lets his mind drift into sweet daydreams.


	4. Deceit's deceptions

Deceit enters his room, the deceptions around him bringing a smirk to his serpentine features as his eyes see right through the illusions. The large python that hisses at him aggressively vanishing the moment he places a finger on its pointed head before he drops down onto seemingly empty space. The couch appearing under him as the other one opposite disappears, things are never what they appear to be in his room. Letting his eyes trail around the room he sneers at the silly lies, the clock that rather than tell the time instead counts the number of lies Thomas has told today, the hands pointing at two o’clock a disappointment.

 _Speaking of disappointments_ , Deceit thinks as his mind replays his conversation with Virgil that had been a rather large disappointment. As if he would forgive his old ‘friend’ after he turned his back on him, running off to play the good guy. Who does he think he is? It would take much more than a stupid apology to make up for his betrayal and since when did he have a backbone?

Scoffing at the very idea of forgiveness Deceit remembers the way things used to be, when Virgil would listen to him. At first he had been cautious, understandably so, but eventually Deceit managed to get inside Virgil’s defences and what fun he’d had then. A mind so easily to bend and ready to believe the worst, he had been so desperate for acceptance, friendship. A chuckle escapes Deceit’s mouth at how he had convinced Virgil to give up and take a step back from Thomas’s mind. Too bad the other sides had all charged to the rescue, it was their fault that Virgil had turned away from him completely after that, cutting him out and trying to convince Thomas to do the same.

“Not that I care,” he says aloud, the lie ringing out into the room.

Frowning he hisses in annoyance, he hates being caught out in his own lies. He did care and not just about Thomas. Virgil might not have been the best friend but he had been Deceit's and it had been pleasant having someone to talk to who valued his opinion.

The temptation to ruin the place Virgil has made for himself by exposing his little secret fills his head. There’s plenty of ways he could ‘accidentally’ let slip to the others, all it would take is a whisper in the right ear and Virgil wouldn’t be able to hide the truth. He hates lying so much, _it would be almost like I’m doing him a favour_ , Deceit reasons.

With a talent for twisting words and their meanings to suit his purposes the thought of revenge on Virgil’s betrayal with a betrayal of his own certainly suits him just fine but how to do it? Roman at least might listen to him, the vapid fool. The princely prat is so desperate for validation that a little insincere flattery is all it takes to get close to him. He could perhaps even speak to Patton, the idiot would listen just to be polite and unable to keep a secret so large he would tell everyone. It’s a good plan, almost perfect and it wouldn’t be traced back to him either. Anything that kept him away from Logan is a bonus, that nerd is such a pain to deal with constantly disputing his lies using facts.

Sitting on the couch he crosses his arms and allows the idea to form more fully in his mind for a few minutes before banishing it. He knows that if he crosses that line Virgil will never forgive him and in revenge would do everything he could to prevent Deceit gaining control of Thomas. Better he save it as a bargaining chip or simply enjoy the thrill of holding it over Virgil’s head, watching him squirm and worry is always a good laugh.

“Yes,” he says drawing out the s sound. He wouldn’t say anything but Virgil won’t know that and he’ll dig his own grave becoming paranoid as more time passes and Deceit drops tiny hints that only the anxious side will understand.

Smiling at his own genius Deceit turns his attention to his main goal, taking his place as a valued side of Thomas. It isn’t fair that Virgil managed to become such a large part of Thomas’s life while he’s been pushed into the shadows. It had been useful in the beginning; it’s easier to pull strings if the person doesn’t even realize that they are being controlled. Unfortunately for Thomas however Deceit isn’t content hiding anymore. Why should lying be seen as a sin when everyone does it? Not even Logan can argue that all lies are wrong. Patton has even admitted that there are exceptions to being honest and he is morality.

“I’m not a bad guy,” Deceit mutters, only feeling a little better when the half truth slips out without issue. Speaking a complete truth isn’t impossible for him but it’s very difficult and the grimace he makes at doing it often gives away his discomfort. Something he would prefer the others never find out.

Tugging off his gloves and hat he places them beside him as he lies down on the couch, stretching out and toeing off his shoes as he gets comfortable. He needs a plan to make Thomas see reason and view lying in a better light, as a useful and necessary tool that will help him get all he desires. He really wants the best for Thomas but first he has to open Thomas’s eyes to the shades of grey in the world. His black and white perspective is immature and idealistic, _it’s about time he grew up a little_ , Deceit thinks firmly.

Closing his eyes, he begins to plot and scheme. With blackmail material on Virgil he could possibly seek him out for help but there is always a chance that Virgil would risk everything if he thinks Thomas is in danger, fight or flight can be unpredictable. Even with their long history, Deceit doesn’t know what Virgil would do now if forced into a corner. Ruling out Virgil as an option Deceit considers the other light sides but is confident they will be of no use. Not even Roman can be manipulated into working with him knowingly and he can be as unpredictable as Virgil with his hero complex. Something he had discovered during his fake trial of Thomas’s selfishness, never in a million years would he have expected Princey to give up on a chance to show off but he had, suddenly deciding to do the right thing.

That left him with only one ally, Remus.

“That’s just great,” he says sarcastically to the ceiling as he opens his eyes, eyebrows pulling down into a scowl.

The creative side is loose cannon, jumping from one thing to the next depending on whatever idea pops into his deranged head. There is just as much chance that he would betray Deceit’s plans as there is of him helping. With Remus it all depends on what’s more fun in the moment, the most unpredictable or silly.

Groaning as he sits back up and rubs a hand over his face Deceit briefly wishes he had never sought out the Duke and sent him in Thomas’s direction. He had intended to use it as an example of Thomas’s less than perfect character and show that there are worse things than lies in his head. However things hadn’t gone to plan with Logan ‘figuratively’ dressing down Remus and building up the other sides. Virgil would never have dared stand up to Remus in the old days, instead spiralling into a panic attack just being in the same room with him.

He might still be able to use Remus but he would have to first see if he could be reasoned with. Perhaps promising him the chance of some chaos, particularly in regards to his brother would be enough to sway Remus to Deceit’s side. The only issue with that is the fact that he first needs to find the dark royal pain.

For a second he thinks about checking Remus’s room but the very idea makes his scales shiver, he’d rather have a debate with Logan than step into that world of nightmares. There is a saying that you can have too much of a good thing and when it came to creativity that is certainly true. Roman might be somewhat stuck in his fixation with Disney and child friendly imagination which leaves him purly conventionally entertaining but that’s better than the madness Remus conjures up.

Reaching the conclusion that he would wait for Remus to come to him Deceit settles back and conjures up some more false illusions for lack of anything better to do. He isn’t in a rush and Remus would pop in sooner rather than later and bring some disturbing thoughts with him too most likely.

 _And what fun that will be_ , Deceit thinks insincerely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, real life is taking up a lot of my time but I'll try and post a new chapter once a week.


	5. Remus's Reasons

Remus slinks back into his room but the gory images that surround him don’t hold the thrill they used too. He’s had a taste of what can be found outside his domain and thoroughly enjoyed himself. It’s a slight shame that Virgil isn’t as fun to play with as he used to be but Remus is sure that he could have the paranoid personality rocking and weeping in a corner again. However not today, after popping in and seeing his beloved brother he is eager to cause more mischief. Oh, Roman had been a delightful breath of fresh air, a wonderful escape from the norm.

“Poor unfortunate soul,” Remus sings aloud as he spins and dances around the room before doubling over with laughter. Roman is completely controlled by his need to be the good guy, to play his princely role perfectly that he doesn’t realise the power he holds, using it for silly rhymes and Thomas’s videos. Why waste his talent trying to rule a stage and not the world? If he just kills everyone he wouldn’t have to worry about what they thought of him, but that simple solution seems to be beyond Roman’s imagination.

“That butthole has never had a good idea in his life,” Remus scoffs. He has more creativity in his little finger than Roman does in his own body. Reaching out he picks a jar up from the coffee table and shakes it like a snow globe before holding it up to his eyes. He watches for a minute as the severed finger inside swims around in the liquid before settling to rest once more on the bottom.

“Or maybe not,” he says with a shrug before throwing the jar over his shoulder uninterested in the sound of the glass smashing on the floor. There is already a collection of broken glass covering the carpet that crunches under his boots as he walks across the room to collect his own sword off the wall. It’s not as shiny as Roman’s, the blade showing signs of rust and the edge serrated so it would tear rather than cut the flesh.

_If the killing blow failed, then the inflection from the dirty blade might do the job instead. A much slower death, Remus muses as he imagines the pain and how the wound would weep thick yellow fluid as the body desperately fights to clean away the toxins._

Pulling himself back from that train of thought he returns to thinking of his brother, for just a moment he really believed Roman was going to slice his throat. There had been a look in his eyes, a rage that sat on the edge of madness. _How I would have liked to see him lose it_ , finally he would see the Prince fall and become the villain. In truth the sides can’t die, they can’t even really hurt each other as Logan had proved but he would never have let Roman forget that he tried to kill him.

“I would keep the cut and show it to him so I could watch his face go green as the blood he spilled runs down my chest,” Remus chuckles. He needs to work out what he said to push Roman’s buttons, _something about Virgil wasn’t it?_ Roman’s protective streak isn’t much of a shock; after all he tried so hard to protect Thomas from him and his darker thoughts. It didn’t work, he found a way in. Those moments when Thomas let his mind drift and when he slept were the best times to pop up and show him the weird and wonderful or downright disturbing. Whispering the darkest ideas he could think of directly into Thomas’s head so that he couldn’t escape them.

Last night had been some of his best work, the bright colour of fresh blood and the imaginary smell of it drifting into Thomas’s nose as he dragged the body away was pure poetry.

_Sunlight on steel, gleaming like the crimson stains on the titled floor. Like rose petals leading to a lost love, that slips drip by drip through your fingers._

A shudder of pleasure travels down his back as he licks his lips and his palm slides down to press against the hardening flesh between his legs. Rubbing over it for a moment he lets out a moan as the sword falls from his other hand to clatter to the ground and brings him back to the present. What had he been thinking about?

Ah, his dear brother and his temper.

With the mood only a little ruined he takes his hand away from his groin as he picks up the sword and hangs it back up next to his mace and the rest of his collection. He has everything from tiny daggers to a guillotine in the corner as well as thumb screws and an iron maiden; the pointed spikes sharp enough to pierce through a person like a knife through butter or teeth through deodorant.

Shaking his head Remus once again attempts to refocus. He doesn’t want to stay in his room, not when there are other places he could be. He’s paid a visit to the angst generator and the dis-mal Prince so maybe he should pop in on the emotional wreck and information dork.

Letting out a chuckle at the word dork, remembering its meaning, Remus sinks out of his room with an evil grin and comes up in Patton’s room.

“Oh daddy?” he calls out as his eyes sweep the cluttered room, only to find it empty. Huffing out a sigh of annoyance Remus walks forward, kicking anything in his path. He gets only a small amount of joy from destroying the priceless memories Patton has collected but that’s reason enough for him.

“So much worthless junk, it’d be a blessing if it all went up in flames,” he mutters as he imagines flames licking over everything. He aims a kick at a stack of papers, giggling as they flutter over the floor. Humming under his breath he begins to dance over the sheets, tearing and crumpling the old scripts and fantasy stories. All of it a tribute to Roman’s creativity but where’s his work? There should be mountains of his own contributions but he knows without checking that he won’t find anything of his here.

Growing bored without Patton here to freak out over his broken stuff Remus prepares to leave. Where’s the fun without a reaction and picturing Patton’s stuttered pleas to stop just isn’t as good as the real thing.

 _Onwards, to hopefully find something more interesting,_ Remus thinks as he heads to Logan’s room.

Coming up he is pleased to find Logan sitting at his desk, pen still in hand as he turns to look at Remus. The small smile on his face changing to resemble a flat lined heartbeat when he realises who has appeared.

“Greetings, four eyes,” Remus says before striding forward and sitting on the table right on top of the book Logan had been writing in. Shifting a little he cocks his leg and lets out a loud fart, smiling at Logan’s expression of disgust.

“Well, that was very crude,” Logan says as he places the pen down and pushes away from the desk to rise to his feet which let him look down at Remus.

“Crude, rude, it’s what I do,” Remus sing songs as he swings his feet. Logan steps back quickly to avoid being kicked in the shin and adjusts his glasses before turning away without a word.

“Manners Logan,” Remus chides as he quickly moves to stand before Logan blocking him and making his presence inescapable, “I thought you at least would understand the rules of social engagements. Aren’t you going to ask why I’m here?”

“You seem to be harbouring the delusion that I in some way care. I can make an educated guess that you are here simply to cause trouble, a terrible idea because I will not engage with your meaningless shenanigans,” Logan says before stepping around Remus to sit down on the couch before picking up a book and ignoring Remus again. Huffing out a breath of annoyance Remus places his hands on his hips and glares down at Logan.

“You’re even more of a bore than my brother. Even Virgil isn’t any fun anymore. You’ve all spoiled my game by befriending him, with your reasoning and kindness and touchy feely caring,” Remus whines as he flops beside Logan on the couch, crossing his arms and pouting.

“Game?” Logan asks as his eyebrow raises and he glances away from his book. Remus straightens up and runs a hand through his hair dragging out the moment before he answers.

“Oh yes, I have a record to break,” Remus boasts, “My personal best is four mins and thirty-six seconds.”

“Personal best? What? I need context in order to understand this conversation,” Logan says his tone holding a hint of irritation, of emotion. Latching onto that Remus smiles wider and leans in close to Logan so he can whisper directly into his ear and see the way his eyes grow larger at his words.

“Why, how long before he breaks. How long before he starts to panic, it’s a wonderful little game and I am the best at it. See, first his hands start to shake and then his breathing gets faster, raspy like a corpse, you know, and before long he’s a mess of anxiety crying in the cor-.”

Remus dissolves into a fit of laughter as Logan jumps up and faces him with a dark scowl behind his glasses. _I wonder how rare it is for him to have colour in his cheeks,_ Remus ponders as he takes in the red flush to Logan’s face. However as Logan straightens his tie the red spots fade and the deep v of his eyebrows disappears. Even his voice barely holds any trace of the anger he clearly felt a second ago.

“Virgil is stronger than you give him credit for, your ‘game’,” the word spat with obvious disgust, “is over.”

Remus mockingly wipes a tear from his eye and claps his hands at Logan’s speech; something more suited to Roman’s dramatic style but well delivered all the same.

“Perhaps,” he agrees as he climbs to his feet and pats Logan’s shoulder, “but I can always think up a new game, can’t I?”

With those parting words he sinks out of Logan’s room to visit the only person left and a fellow dark side. Deceit would enjoy hearing about Logan’s little moment of irrationality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be updating this story on fridays from now on (real life premitting). Hope you are enjoying it so far.


	6. Virgil’s Viciousness

After Deceit’s barely concealed threat Virgil isn’t feeling great, his head is aching and while he hasn’t descended into having a break down he’s balancing on the edge as his thoughts continue to whizz around in his head.

_I shouldn’t have told Thomas that I’m a dark side._

_He’s never going to trust me now._

_Does it bother the others?_

_Do they still hate me secretly?_

_Are they just putting up with me, acting nice to try and keep me under control for Thomas?_

_Does Roman still wish I would go away?_

Virgil lets out a long sigh; thinking of Roman brings up a whole bunch of different issues that he would rather not study too closely. As always his head doesn’t care what he wants and begins bringing up all the things wrong with his view of the creative side.

Maybe Remus isn’t the only disease infecting Thomas, after all anxiety is an illness. What if his existence was the cause of Thomas’s darker creativity, his paranoia the source material? A mental disorder should not be a key part of someone’s mind, not a normal person anyway. He’s sick, he’s the one who is wrong which is confirmed by the things he thinks, that he wants but wishes he didn’t.

Why couldn’t he just be a good guy, why couldn’t he be useful without hurting everyone and making things harder for Thomas?

Frustrated with his increasingly depressing thoughts Virgil stands up off the stairs and walks over to the couch falling onto it face first and placing a cushion over his head as he screams into the padded seat just to get out some of the seething irritation he feels about his own shortcomings.

Minutes pass as he remains on the couch the cushion now tucked under his head as he closes his eyes and hovers on the edge of sleep. Sleeping means he doesn’t have to think or feel and he can’t cause anymore problems when his eyes are closed and he is drifting in peaceful darkness.

The sound of a person rising up into his room breaks the calm that Virgil has finally found and just like that he’s stressed once more and his heart is racing in his chest as he jumps up to find Roman standing by his lamp.

His heartbeat only grows faster as he waits; tensing up and sure that any minute Roman would begin to throw out accusations because Deceit had spoken to him. Preparing to argue his case Virgil is thrown when Roman clears his throat and smiles at him.

“Greetings Virge,” Roman says pleasantly. _Too pleasant, he didn’t even use some stupid nickname for me,_ Virgil thinks as he remembers Remus’s little joke earlier and his fear quickly turns to anger. He scowls at the other side standing straighter in an attempt to make himself seem larger, stronger.

“I told you not to come back unless you had come up with something new, Remus. Obviously your memory is as messed up as you are. So let me give you a reminder. Leave me alone. No, I do not want to be your special friend, no I do not want to hold your freaking ‘sword’, no matter whose face you’re wearing and lastly, you don’t scare me, so piss off and go poison yourself eating deodorant, I hope you choke on it,” taking a deep breath to refill his lungs Virgil smirks and mockingly waves at the fake Roman. “Bye bye now.”

“Um, makes no evanescence says what now? Firstly I am not the Duke, I am the _Prince_. Secondly my memory is as fabulous as I am, and thirdly just what did Remus do that you would wish such a fate on him?” Roman asks before adding under his breath, “Not that I disagree, mind you.”

Several curse words fill Virgil’s head and he doesn’t think that his white foundation is heavy enough to hide the blood rushing to his cheeks and heating his face. Dropping his eyes to the floor Virgil sinks in slightly on himself and rubs the back of his head nervously. His mind is spinning as he comes up with reason after reason for why Roman is here and none of them are good.

“Ah Princey, I…um, wasn’t expecting you. So…why are you here exactly?”

Virgil isn’t sure if he wants the answer but if he doesn’t find out then he’ll only get worked up thinking the very worst. Something in his stomach flutters wildly when Roman takes a step closer and looks at him with a small smile appearing as nervous as him.

“Well, about that. I had a rather unfortunate family reunion in my room and in passing my psycho sibling mentioned that he had also dropped in on you and that you didn’t particular enjoy it anymore than myself,” Roman explains and alarm bells begin to ring in Virgil’s head. He didn’t think Remus had realised anything when he pulled his little prank, choosing Roman to imitate on a whim but maybe he did know more than it seemed. It’s always hard to work out what goes through Remus’s head and Virgil isn’t eager to ever work it out to be honest but he really needs to know what he might have said to Roman.

“Yeah well, seeing Remus is never a good thing, right?” Virgil says with a shrug trying to downplay his unease and cover up the fact that his heart had just skipped a beat hearing the hint of concern for him in Roman’s voice.

“Truer words have never been spoken,” Roman agrees with a chuckle. The sounding doing strange things to Virgil as his blushing cheeks heat further and he really hopes that Roman can’t see that in the dim light of his room. “May I be bold enough to enquire what trouble he caused this time; he said something that to be frank suggested that things got a bit heated between you two. Your rather impressive rant when I got here only confirming that suspicion. What happened? You can tell me what’s got you at an all time low,” Roman jokes with a teasingly raised eyebrow and flirty smirk.

Shaking his head Virgil can’t help smirking back at the band reference but he doesn’t answer Roman. He’s kinda worried that he’ll accidentally expose his feelings if he talked about Remus turning into Princey just to get a rise out of him.

Dodging the question Virgil plays with the draw strings on his hoodie and looks around his room, anything to avoid meeting Roman’s intense gaze, as he attempts to turn the question back to the other side, “Nothing to tell really Princey, just Remus being his usual crazy self. What did he tell you happened?”

“Not much, nothing I can recall clearly at any rate,” Roman replies, his smile becoming forced. Virgil knows a lie when he sees one thanks to Deceit and Roman isn’t being completely honest with him and he thinks he knows why when Roman continues. Virgil’s eyes grow wide and he swallows down the bile rising in his throat, the bitter taste burning on its way back down. “Something about you rubbing off on me? It didn’t make a lick of sense, pure nonsense, but what can anyone expect from that idiom of imagination, more like idiot if you ask me.”

Virgil isn’t really listening to Roman anymore; he’s too busy panicking about what Remus said and if Roman might have worked out his secret from it. Rationally he knows that it would be a big leap but he’s never been very rational and jumping to conclusions is a speciality of his.

“What did he say, word for word?”

Roman pauses in his insulting mutters about Remus and crosses his arms as he studies Virgil, “Does it really matter?”

“Yes!” Virgil presses noticing that his voice is beginning to distort. Forcing his shaking hands deep into his pockets he takes a few calming breaths as subtly as possible or at least he thinks he is but Roman is frowning at him.

“Virgil, what is going on? You’ve been strung higher than a kite in a hurricane since I got here and you keep avoiding my questions. Now spill the issues and I’ll grab the tissues,” Roman rhythms but Virgil isn’t in the mood. The last thing he wants is to open up to Roman, out of all the sides he’s probably level with Deceit when it comes to people Virgil would willingly talk to but for very different reasons. _What is Roman hiding by not answering me, what has Remus told him_ , Virgil wonders briefly if he might be overreacting but he can’t help it and letting out a groan he curls his lip and points a finger at Roman.

“Will you just tell me what he said already,” Virgil demands, his voice echoing with distortion, out of control and impossible to fix until he has answers, until the danger is gone.

“And we’re back to this. He didn’t say anything important. Something about violent tendencies, which, and it pains me deeply to agree with him about this seems pretty accurate right now. It’s not like you’ve rolled out the red carpet for me, being all grumpy and jumpy and ...” Roman waves a hand at Virgil for a second rather than say whatever likely insulting thing he’s thinking to point out Virgil’s darkening expression, “If it’s something Remus did then I apologise for his actions, that guy is a nightmare to deal with, I know,” Roman says with a small chuckle and a flippant wave of his hand, as if Remus is a misbehaving child and not a terrifying nutcase.

Virgil isn’t sure if Roman is trying to lighten the mood, maybe even trying to help calm him down but he’s already had enough. He hit his limit for coping with the mess of feelings filling him about half an hour ago when Deceit was here. Now all he wants is for Roman to leave, wants him to stop digging because if Virgil lies then Deceit might turn up again. Then if Roman doesn’t know his secret already Deceit will ensure he does before sitting back to enjoy the show as payback for Virgil’s perceived betrayal. As if getting away from toxic people is a crime that deserves punishment, Deceit wasn’t a good friend and right now Roman isn’t being one either, pushing him when it’s clear that he isn’t in a good place.

 _He’s acting like Remus pushing me to the edge while wearing a smile,_ Virgil thinks and that’s what makes him snap.

“You know,” Virgil growls uncaring that his voice has gotten deeper and it’s getting hard to breath as his chest tightens. “What exactly do you know, Princey?” he asks stepping closer to Roman and throwing his hands out, “Because I’m the one living near him. You have no idea what I’ve had to put up with dealing with all of them. Your brother in particular delights in causing me distress, something you two clearly have in common.”

Virgil wants to take back that last sentence; he never meant to say it out loud knowing it isn’t true. He wants to apologise and explain that it’s his anxiety talking; his fears that are making him lash out and bring up old hurts. He doesn’t get a chance as Roman makes an offended noise and waves his finger in front of Virgil’s face.

“Excuse you Mr. Darkside, I am nothing like him,” Roman snaps sharply making Virgil flinch back from the fiery rage burning in Roman’s brown eyes. Roman’s cruel nickname cut deep but he refuses to show it, pushing down the pain and fighting back a hiss of anger as his temper once more rises.

“I came here out of the goodness of my heart to make sure you were alright and this is the thanks I get.” Roman continues as his frown deepens and his eyes bore into Virgil’s, “It just shows that you really do belong with them, you are so paranoid that you can’t even accept a little concern from a friend,” Roman declares dramatically.

Virgil frowns at the words, lips pressing into a thin line as he looks away, his heart aching while he blinks back the tears that try to form. He should have never expected anything different, _lesson learned_ , Virgil thinks and sets about driving Roman away from his room and away from him.

“You’re right I am a dark side, everyone knows that now even Thomas. I belong here and I deserve everything I get, don’t I?” he replies before scoffing and turning away. “It must be such a burden on you to have to worry about me, so how about you just do yourself a favour and stop being my ‘friend’.”

Glancing over his shoulder Virgil conjures his head phones to sit around his neck and raises an eyebrow at Roman, giving him a sinister smirk, “Stop pretending to care about me Princey, I don’t need to be paranoid to know what you really think about me. You were very vocal and I have a great memory, I’ve never forgotten any of the insults, from you or your brother,” though he really wishes he could, wishes he could pretend that he isn’t the butt of their jokes. Taking a deep breath he carries on, emotion bleeding into his tone as his nerves fray, “You ignored Remus and left him for me to cope with alone and I tried to keep him away from Thomas, away from…, I tried so damn hard. All I do is try and then fail. Where were you when I needed a hero?”

For a second there is a flash of hurt on Roman's face but Virgil ignores it and continues, ”Oh wait, I’m the bad guy, the villain, just another problem to be defeated and locked away in the dark,” Virgil says with a snort before sneering at Roman.

“You don’t belong here Roman, get out,” he finishes putting his headphones and hood on and letting the music drown out whatever else Roman might say. Even without looking he knows Roman doesn’t leave right away, can feel him still standing in the corner behind him, his eyes burning into he back of Virgil’s head. He’s also sure that Roman is speaking but the words are indistinguishable mumbles buried under the screamed lyrics of MCR. Honestly he doesn’t want to hear whatever Roman is saying, he doesn’t need any more insults to remember late at night. It’s taking everything he’s got not to give into the panic that is building up, his shaking hands hidden in his pockets and his expression covered by his hood so that the tears don’t show.

Eventually he risks looking back and finds the room empty, gasping out the sob he had been holding in his legs crumble under him and he drops to the floor wrapping his arms around his trembling frame.

 _Damn it,_ he thinks as he goes over everything that he had said, that Roman had said and only now after everything realises that there had been dark circles under Roman’s eyes. Visible proof of the negative effect that Virgil’s room was having on the creative side. Too late he realises that it would have corrupted Roman’s emotions making him more extreme, more dramatic.

 _Or more honest_ , his mind whispers playing devil’s advocate.

Roman probably does think of him like that, as nothing but a dark side, something he has openly shown his dislike of. _Is it just another way of distancing himself from Remus and his madness or because he really hates Virgil personally._ Fear is the biggest hurdle to overcome for anyone with big dreams and Roman certainly dreams big.

He’s so stupid, he should never have believed he could be the good guy, should never have let himself get attached to the others, shouldn’t have developed certain feelings for….

A large sob escapes cutting off the thought before he can finish it. Virgil doesn’t want to think now, doesn’t want to feel either but as an emotion based side that’s not really an option. Not knowing what else to do he vanishes his headphones and listens to his inner fears tear into him and rip open all his insecurities as the panic spirals past the point of no return. He’s too drained from everything that has happened that his fight with Roman is just the cherry on top of what has become the worst day of his life. Crawling over to the staircase he drags himself onto a step and hugging his knees he cries into the rips on his black jeans and wishes he could disappear.

His chest is burning and each breath hurts, he can’t hear anything over the thump of blood rushing in his ears. His heart is racing too fast, _it’s going to give out any second_ , his fear mutters making it sped up which Virgil thought impossible. Vision blurry not just from the continual flow of tears but because he can’t get oxygen into his lungs, his chest won’t fill, refuses to expand, almost like it has been bound tightly with tape. Tugging at his baggy purple top does nothing to help or ease the pressure and the moment he lets go it settles back and sticks to his sweaty skin.

 _Shit, remember to breath_ , Virgil tells himself but the numbers have disappeared and he can’t recall how long he needs to hold or release for.

A hand landing on his shoulder makes him jump and let out a yelp of terror, until his eyes focus on the square frames of a pair of glasses and a striped tie.

_Logan?_

“In for four seconds, hold for seven seconds and then exhale for eight seconds,” Logan says and slowly Virgil begins to breathe again, once more in control of his body and mental state.


	7. Roman's Rant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry my update is a little late, hope you enjoy it.

“Unbelievable. The very nerve of that walking hot topic promotion, I don’t know why I even bother to be-oh”

Roman stops mid rant after spinning to continue pacing as his eyes land on Patton sitting on his bed. The small frown he’s wearing as he studies Roman causing him to clear his throat and offer a smile of comfort.

“Ah Padre, wonderful to see you but now isn’t the best time. I’m afraid that I won’t be the pleasant and delightful company I usually am.”

“I don’t need these glasses to see that,” Patton replies pointing to his specs with a chuckle before growing serious. A gently smile on his face as he pats the bed beside him. “Want to talk about what happened with Virgil?”

His irritation rising Roman can’t seem to stop the snort of offence he makes or the words that tumble unfiltered from his mouth.

“Well if you insist,” Roman says as he drops down onto the bed. “So, I go over there with the most noble of intentions and he treats me like I’m the wicked witch of the west end. I didn’t even say anything rude and he flipped his lid, though he did think I was Remus, why the hickory dickory heck I’ve no idea. Then after we cleared that up he suddenly goes all dark and sinister on me for showing a little concern for his wellbeing. Accusing me of being the villain and him a victim when he was the one who dared to say I was the same as my twisted twin, me, as if I am anything like that walking disaster.”

“Oh, I doubt Virgil meant that, maybe it was a misunderstanding,” Patton says in Virgil’s defence but Roman isn’t interested in listening.

“I know you think he’s this big softie but I’m telling you he is evil. I would bet my kingdom that he’s working with the other dark sides, luring us into trusting him just so they can take over control of Thomas. They want to turn him into a lying paranoid psycho. Yes that’s exactly it,” Roman declares rising to his feet to stand proudly with his hands thrown up in victory at working out their dastardly plot.

His arms drop limply to his sides when Patton starts to laugh. Frowning Roman shoots the other side a firm glare, raising one eyebrow and pursing his lips. It fails to make Patton stop and instead makes him laugh harder as he wraps his arms around his stomach and flops backwards in a fit of giggles. Roman crosses his arm and taps his foot impatiently as he waits for Patton to recover which he eventually does sitting back up on the bed. Chuckling a little he pushes his glasses up to wipe the tears from his eyes before speaking in a cheerfully bright tone.

“Virgil, evil? And working with Deceit and Remus? I gotta say that might be the most creative idea you’ve ever had Roman. All you have to do is spend five minutes with my creepy little guy to know how much he hates lying. Remember how strongly he reacted the last time Deceit showed up? Then there’s his fear of Remus, I mean you might have missed it because you were knocked out but Virgil admitted that he’s terrified of Remus,” Patton says with a smile that slowly slips off his face and he continues in a soft whisper, “I honestly think he’s scared of all of us for different reasons.”

“What do you mean?” Roman asks softly as a sense of curiosity fills his mind and his heart feels a little bit heavy in his chest. Sitting back down he turns to Patton and listens closely, while he has on occasion brushed off Patton’s comments as nothing but silliness he is aware that Patton can be surprisingly insightful. If he thinks Virgil fears them then he must have a good reason as to why.

“I just mean he worries a lot, so it makes sense that he gets scared and nervous about everything. I think he’s scared of the other dark sides because he doesn’t want to be one of them, he doesn’t want to be seen as the bad guy. As for us, I think he’s scared that we’ll turn on him because he can be a bit hard to deal with sometimes, which isn’t really fair, he’s anxiety. It’s his job but it can’t be fun being the one that has to be on guard constantly and under so much pressure to protect everyone.”

“Protecting Thomas isn’t that hard, he spends most of his time watching cartoons at home,” Roman points out flippantly only to be met with Patton shaking his head.

“Virgil doesn’t just protect Thomas, he tries to protect us all, in his own way. He tries to stop Thomas lying so we don’t have to deal with Deceit, he gives Thomas small worries that are manageable to keep Remus from offering something worse, he goes along with Logan’s theories to be helpful and even sang your Christmas song because he knew it meant so much to you and you saw how hard that was for him.”

Roman finds his mind spinning at Patton’s words; he could remember how displeased Virgil had been and how he’d whined about having to join in and making excuses to get away however he had stayed. He could have left at any moment but instead he remained and even sang the line Roman gave him, which he can now admit hadn’t been his best work. Did he really do it just for Roman’s sake, to protect his feelings? The idea is a struggle for him to wrap his head around even as his pulse speeds up and a smile tugs at his cheek.

“Listen Patton, I know you want to see the best in people but could it not be that you are seeing what you want to see. What you hope to see?"

“I know he has a strange way of showing it kiddo but I truly believe he cares about all of us. All you gotta do is remember that everyone shows their feelings in their own way. For Virgil, he gets worked up and gets a bit, well, mean, but it’s because he cares not because he doesn’t.”

“Worked up?” Roman whispers as his eyes drop to the floor. Hearing that, suddenly anything that happened with Virgil makes more sense. It’s as if a light has been shined over their argument and he can now see the whole picture. Virgil had been more tense than normal, _an impressive achievement_ , Roman thinks since he’s often on edge permanently but he hadn’t considered what that _meant._

Taking a breath he closes his eyes and mentally recreates the scene of their fight to study it more closely. Virgil’s attack when he had first appeared had come completely out of the blue, or so he had thought, but the flash of panic on Virgil’s face and the way his whole body had gone stiff. Virgil tends to slouch, a careless attitude or maybe as a way to make himself smaller, less noticeable?

Roman keeps going, recalling how Virgil had slowly grown more wound up, more tense as he asked what Remus had said.

_Why did he care so much about it?_

Roman can’t quite figure that out but he supposes he could have just told Virgil. It’s not like he also had to tell Virgil about his extreme reaction but even now just thinking about it is making his jaw clench and his hands turn into fists. He is a fabulous actor but he is sure that his anger would have been obvious to Virgil. By Hades, Roman doesn’t even know why it annoyed him so much that he lashed out at Remus in such a violent manner.

Pushing away that issue to deal with later, he studies Virgil’s words during their fight. Pressing his hand to his chest Roman can feel the organ beneath thumping hard, bruising as it hits his ribs, the pain sharp and unpleasant. Virgil’s accusations had stung, his words cutting Roman’s pride to ribbons when they had been snarled at him with bitterness.

_Where were you when I needed a hero?_

That one sentence in particular is going to haunt him, the way Virgil had spat the question at him, arms thrown wide as if he was waiting for an answer, an excuse, before giving his own explanation. Mostly Roman hates that Virgil was right, he didn’t save him, didn’t even try because of what he is. Even once they had begun to be more friendly he still did nothing, ignoring it because he was busy being a self-centred jerk.

“By the ghost of Walt Disney,” Roman mumbles as he begins to see that he might be, at least a little, _or a lot to blame_. “That explains a few things.”

Patton nods before reaching out and placing a hand on Roman’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze, “I think you and Logan forget sometimes that Virgil has to deal with a lot of emotions, kinda like me I guess.”

“No one is like you Pat,” Roman says with a smirk as he reaches up and ruffles Patton’s hair affectionaly. “However you do make a valid point, Virge was very emotional and rather than recognise that I brushed it off as unimportant and kept talking. In hindsight it’s clear that he was upset and I added to that by behaving like a royal ass. I behaved badly, not at all like a prince should but the idea that Virgil, or anyone else thinking I am like my brother scares me,” pausing Roman fidgets with his clothes and refuses to meet Patton’s eyes as he continues. “Because sometimes I worry that we are the same. That in small ways I am just as dark as him."

“Roman.”

“No listen, I’m aware we aren’t exactly the same but I can’t help seeing the things we have in common. I try to be the good guy but sometimes the things I think or do, the insults and the nicknames. Can I really claim to be better than him when I continually disregard honestly and honour whenever it suits my purposes. The drive to achieve my goals and realise Thomas’s dreams causing me to disregard others feelings and their point of view.”

“Roman, no one is completely good, not even Thomas. I mean we’ve all made mistakes in the past but what’s important is that we learn from them. As long as you’re willing to apologise when you mess up and fix the problem then I don’t think it’s fair to expect more than that from yourself. It’s like what Logan told me, knowing what the problem is the first step to fixing it and the second is doing something about it. He used bigger words but you get my point and it’s exactly what you’ve been doing. You’ve gotten better at not insulting Virgil or giving him nasty nicknames and you are brave enough to admit when you do slip up and make a mistake. That’s really good and is why you are different than Remus, you try to do the right thing and you care strongly about everything you do. We all know that, even Virgil and he probably feels pretty bad right now for saying you are like Remus.”

“He shouldn’t, I’m certainly more at fault for our fight. I just wish he didn’t think that I enjoy upsetting him, maybe I used to but now...he was so angry Patton, so…hurt and it was because of me. I need to make it right by apologising for my actions, both recent and in the past.”

A smile spreads over Roman’s face as he reaches a decision, the weight in his stomach replaced with a burning sense of righteousness. “Thank you Patton, you are a truly good friend and just the person I needed to talk to.”

“Aww, anytime Kiddo, you know I’m always here if you need to talk. So what are you going to do now?”

Sighing Roman falls back onto the bed and looks up at the canopy covered in glittering stars, but they fail to spark his imagination and give him a solution to the problem.

“Honestly my parental pal, I don’t know. I need to say sorry to Virgil but I’m not sure if he will believe I am being sincere.”


	8. Patton's Plan

“Well,” Patton says as his eyes dart to the crumpled piece of paper still resting on his lap, tracing the letters with a finger. “A gift is always a good way to say sorry, actions mean more than words and can hold more meaning for someone like Virgil, who has a hard time believing people.”

“True, but what would I even give him? Darker eye shadow? A vampire bat to keep as a pet? A poem full of angst and sarcasm?”

Patton rolls his eyes at Roman’s suggestions and the dramatic way he is waving his hands while he remains led beside him. Honestly, his princely son can be a tad over the top sometimes, not that it’s a bad thing, but in this situation, it’s not helpful.

“Do you think he would like any of those things?” Patton asks, turning to look at Roman who’s wearing a childish pout. “What do you know about Virgil? What does he like or dislike? That would be a good place to start.”

Complaining with a grunt, Roman sits back up and runs a hand through his hair, brows knitted in deep thought. “What do I know about Virgil? Not much if I’m honest. He likes Disney,” Roman points out as his eyes scan the posters covering the walls.

Patton smiles and nods, clasping his hands together and bringing them to his chest as he leans his shoulder to Roman’s.

“That’s good, keep going, what else?” Roman frowns and bites on his lip as he continues to think, but Patton doesn’t push him, waiting until Roman has had the chance to sort out his often chaotic thoughts.

“Um, I guess he likes music. He’s always got those headphones on, and he doesn’t like surprises or shocks because they make him jump. I know when he gets nervous, he bites his nails and rubs the back of his neck. He likes jokes, sarcastic or witty jokes mostly but your puns can make him laugh. He covers it up, but you can still see him smirk if you look closely. He likes the rain, I’ve seen him watching it, and he loves Halloween because he enjoys the costumes and scaring people even if he doesn’t like being scared.”

Patton’s grin grows as Roman rises to his feet, pacing before him as more words keep coming. Roman is smiling as he talks, his eyes alight when they met Patton’s as he recalls a memory they share.

“He hates being embarrassed, remember when he came to your room and saw all of Thomas’s old stories and poems. ‘Too much, cringe’,” Roman says in imitation of Virgil while flapping his hands the way the other side had done to lessen his blush. There is currently a red tint to Roman’s face, rosy-cheeked, as Princey would call it, that Patton finds adorable.

“I’ve got it!” Roman shouts before he spins on his heels and strides to his desk, snatching up his quill and several pieces of paper before dropping into the fancy throne. “I can write him a story. One where he gets to be the hero, rescuing and protecting those he cares about. A big gesture would only startle and embarrass him, but this; I think he would like this?”

Roman turns in his seat, a slight panic showing on his face as he gives Patton a nervous smile.

“Do you think he’d like that?”

Patton tilts his head to the side and studies Roman carefully; it isn’t often that anyone gets to see behind Roman’s confidence and see how insecure he truly is about his work. The more important the subject, the more Roman doubts himself, but this is the first time he’s ever directly asked for his input or anyone’s input for that matter.

“I think he’ll love it. Are you going to put us all in the story-oh,” Patton gasps as he begins to bounce on the bed, clapping his hands. “You could make it a love story too and tell him how much you like him.”

Patton manages to hold back a giggle when Roman’s jaw drops in shock, eyes comically wide. He gives up holding back his laughter when Roman stands and starts to splutter, his words disjointed and a little high while his hands gesture rapidly. The flush on his cheeks darkening until Patton thinks he can feel the heat coming off them from across the room.

“What, I, I don’t, I mean, it’s a ridiculous, crazy, where did you, never mind.”

Patton shakes his head and grins up at Roman who is glaring at him with a dark scowl and a blush bright enough to resemble a tomato.

“Seems to me like you’re in a river, Roman,” Patton says as he climbs to his feet and places his hands on his hips. A flash of confusion crosses Roman’s face before Patton delivers the punch line. “cause you’re in de-Nile.”

Pointing at Roman as he shakes his shoulders, he isn’t surprised that Roman groans in reply before talking. “I am not in denial, I don’t like Virgil.”

Patton presses his lips together and raises an eyebrow, the expression clearly showing his disbelief and Roman only manages to hold his gaze for a minute. Turning away with a huff, Roman crosses his arms defensively, “Fine, I like him, but only as a sort of friend.”

“Sort of friend, you just spent twenty minutes talking about him with the sappiest smile on your face I have ever seen. You are smitten Princey, and there’s no shame in that. I think it’s cute that you’ve been bitten by the love bug.”

“No, no, no there has been no biting, unless you count Virgil biting my head off and I most certainly am not smitten,” Roman says sounding offended at the very idea but his face is still red, and he can’t quite look Patton in the eye.

Walking closer Patton pinches one of Roman’s cheeks, followed with a _pat_ on the shoulder, the internal pun making him chortle.

“Careful kiddo or your nose is going to start growing. As the source of Thomas's Romantic ideals, I would have thought you would recognise the signs, but I can spell it out for you if that will help.”

He brings up the piece of paper he’s been clutching the entire time, Roman obviously recognises it but only looks with confusion at Patton.

“my plans to get rid of Remus? How does that give you the insane idea I like Orlando Gloom?”

Shooting Roman a quick scowl at the nickname Patton presses on with his point, “Look closer.”

Roman only raises an eyebrow at Patton in question, “And what, pray tell, am I supposed to be looking for?”

Patton taps his finger on the paper six times, “V-I-R-G-I-L,” he spells as he points to each letter.

Roman grabs the paper roughly from his hand, twisting it to follow the spiralling letters mixed in with the scribbles. His eyes are unblinking as he studies each one in detail, while Patton waits for the penny to drop.

“I guess it sort of looks like a ‘V’, but it’s a bird and this one that looks like a ‘G’ is just a few loops. That ‘I’, right there, is a magic wand with sparks coming out of it. I think you’re reading far too much into something that is just random happenstance.”

Patton’s shoulders drop as his chest deflates and a sigh slips out, he doesn’t know whether to feel annoyed at Roman’s refusal to admit the truth or sad for him.

_Why does he think that he has to hide his feelings?_

Patton knows better than anyone how terrible it is to do that, how painful and self-destructive. Feelings should be shared, whether they are good or bad because they matter. If they don’t, then you wouldn’t have them in the first place. He knows there is only one way he can get Roman to admit his crush on Virgil so shrugging his shoulders, he returns to the bed.

“I guess you’re right. I mean, could you imagine it, you and Virgil together? Seeing him be all sweet with you, blushing as he gives you that little smirk he does when he’s happy. It’s completely unrealistic that you could share jokes, teasing each other with pet names while having a Disney movie marathon. Virgil always gets cold, so he’d probably cuddle up to you, resting his head on your shoulder and then being so comfortable beside you that he’d fall asleep. It’s impossible to imagine, right?” Patton lifts his eyes to Roman, but the other side is staring off into space, eyes glazed and his mouth slowly curling into a small smile. Patton is sure that Roman is imagining everything he just said, the creative side unable to stop himself from floating into a daydream when it’s been presented to him.

“Yeah, imagine it,” Roman whispers as he blinks and comes out of his trance to lock eyes with Patton. Unease and fear and longing flicker in his eyes as he begins to come to terms with the possibility but just as quickly it’s gone again.

“What if it’s not me that likes Virgil, I would have realised that. Maybe…maybe it’s Remus; he spent a lot of time with Virgil and mentioned something earlier to me that suggested he’d tried to get close to him. Maybe he’s messing with my head making me think that these are my feelings and not his, can he do that?”

Roman is genuinely panicking now, and Patton jumps up to offer reassurance, pulling the other side into a hug, “hey there, Remus isn’t you, and he can’t make you do or feel anything. What was that about something he said earlier?”

“He said,” Roman starts his brow furrowing as his voice grows darker, the words growled more than spoken, “he’d rubbed off on Virgil, and my mind went to an awful place hearing that. I was furious with him, threatening him with my sword and for a second I wanted to hurt him because…”

Patton sees the moment Roman accepts the truth, hears the gasp of breath as the realisation hits him in the gut and knocks the air from his lungs. Reaching out Patton steadies Roman, keeping his grip firm as he leans him to sit on the bed. A parody of logan helping him after his fall while visiting his room and Patton smiles to himself as he thinks of the logical side.

“I like Virgil, I…care about him. I was angry with Remus because I didn’t want him anywhere near Virgil because he’s dangerous and he could have hurt him. He did hurt him, that’s why Virgil wanted to know what Remus had said to me, why Virgil was so on edge, he was scared and I.”

Roman stops drawing back to look at Patton’s face as he swallows, the worry etched into his forehead as he struggles with the overload of emotions battling inside him. Patton holds on tighter, hoping to help ground him and offer as much comfort as possible.

“I left, he was upset, and I left him alone. What if Remus returned? What if he knew my feelings and went after Virgil and I wasn’t there to stop him. I have never been there when Virgil needed me.”

“Breath Princey, Virgil can take care of himself, and he knows how to deal with Remus now, I’m sure he’s fine.” Patton tries to sound confident, but even he can hear the nervousness in his voice, Roman’s worry spreading so that it begins to creep into his mind.

“I have to save him, protect him from Remus and the others,” Roman declares as he rips himself free from Patton’s hands and snatches his sword from the floor.

Patton doesn’t have time to say anything before Roman is sinking away, his hands dropping into his lap. Forcing a smile to his face, he looks around Roman’s room, the posters smiling back at him and the crumpled piece of paper still lying on Roman’s desk.

“Good luck, kiddo,” he mutters before sinking out to his own room. He feels hopeful that they will sort out everything and wonders if he should have told Roman that Virgil likes him back. It’s really very obvious, but maybe he hadn’t noticed the same way he hadn’t seen his own feelings at first.

 _Oh well, I guess he’ll find out on his own,_ Patton thinks before he sees the mess around him. His mouth drops open as he takes in the destruction, and as tears begin to gather in his eyes, he moves over to one of the nearby shelves. Taking the lid off the cookie jar Patton helps himself to two of the chocolate chip cookies, _I’ve earned them today_. Feeling a little better, he begins to reorganise and smiles to himself at each memory he rediscovers, enjoying them without becoming lost in the past.


	9. Logan Listens

Logan studies Virgil, paying attention to his breathing and ensuring it has returned to an acceptable speed before moving away. He wouldn’t want to crowd the other side and cause further issues since he had come here for the opposite reason.

After Remus’s visit, he had become concerned for Virgil and wanted to determine he was coping sufficiently after the recent video. Unfortunate it became clear the moment he arrived that Virgil was not doing well and he did the best he could to aid the other side through his panic attack. The breathing exercise is the most productive method to achieve that, and it had worked.

Virgil is still slightly shaken, but his tears are slowing, and his breaths no longer sound like gasps, as he fills his lungs again and lets out the deep breath. With that goal attained, Logan wonders what he should do now, emotions are not his area of expertise but waiting for Patton is an unsatisfactory option.

Clearing his throat as he adjusts his tie, Logan decides that he must be the one to act, Patton had recently praised his problem-solving skills, perhaps he could also solve Virgil’s conundrum by applying a bit of logic.

“Virgil, would you like to discuss what brought on your panic attack? I could possibly help alleviate the issue.”

“Everyone hates me,” Virgil whispers shuffling around until he’s sat leaning back on the staircase.

“Falsehood,” Logan states before taking a seat at the table by the stairs. Leaning forward, he rests his chin on his hand while he waves the other as he explains.

“Patton certainly does not hate you; he has made that very clear with both his actions and words. Thomas understands that you are an important part of him and has worked to better understand you, resulting in you forming an amicable relationship. I, myself find you pleasant company since we can have an intellectual conversation. Roman-”

“Roman hates me.”

“Ah.”

Now Logan can see where the problem stems from he decides to change his approach and rather than argue he asks for clarity.

“Can you provide factual data to support that claim?”

Virgil is well known for suffering from cognitive distortion and jumping to conclusions, so it would be logical to hear him out and then provide evidence to disprove Virgil’s beliefs if he can. It takes a few minutes where Virgil stares at his shoes and picks at the rips in his jeans before he finally speaks, his voice still holding the trace of his previous emotional trauma.

“We had a fight…I wasn’t thinking because of everything with Remus, and when he showed up, I freaked out. I told him he was like his brother and he-,” Virgil stops, pressing his lips together and squeezing his eyes shut.

“Take your time Virgil, I will wait.”

“He said I was nothing but a dark side, that it was all I would ever be and that I deserve to stay with the others because I’m too paranoid to be one of you guys.”

Logan frowns as he lets the information sink in, allowing himself time to ponder over Virgil’s exact words and factoring the possibility that he may be mentally filtering or even magnifying one small part of his disagreement with Roman.

“Just to be clear, did Roman literally say that?” Logan honestly wouldn’t put it past the creative side to resort to childish name-calling. However, whether he said it isn’t as important as whether he meant it. People tend to say many things they later regret in the heat of the moment and Virgil and Roman’s combative relationship is well known.

“He called me Mr dark side and told me that I’m too paranoid to have friends.”

“Very well, did he say this before or after you pointed out his similarities to Remus?”

Virgil looks up for a second meeting his eyes before glancing away, drawing his knees up he curls his arms around them and lets out a sigh.

“After…I shouldn’t have said it. I was just…stressed.”

Logan nods, understanding that Virgil is feeling guilty for the fight even if Roman may have escalated the situation.

“Then it is reasonable to assume that he said those things because he had been hurt by your words. That he, in fact, did not mean them, same as yourself?”

Virgil bites his lip, and Logan watches on as he only shrugs in reply. He isn’t convinced, but Logan still has other ways to disprove his theory about Roman.

“Why was Roman here? You two rarely converse outside of Thomas’s videos, so why was he in your room?”

Logan raised an eyebrow when Virgil’s face seems to flush, his red cheeks visible through the tear streaks of his makeup. _A fascinating reaction,_ Logan thinks, pushing up his glasses which are beginning to slip down his nose. Virgil takes even longer to answer his question this time, though he makes several attempts to do so. Each time his mouth opens and Logan prepares to hear his explanation Virgil shuts it again and resumes fidgeting. His patience is running thin when Virgil manages to speak.

“Uh, he said he wanted to check on me because Remus said something to him about me. He refused to tell me what exactly he said, and I got, well.”

Rather than finish his sentence, Virgil just shrugs again and gestures to himself.

“You became anxious,” Logan summarises, and Virgil gives him a nod in confirmation.

“Well then, I think you have proof that Roman does not hate you. Firstly, he came here to ensure your health, similarly to me. Secondly, if Roman refused to tell you what Remus said, then it was probably because he hoped to protect you from whatever disturbing nonsense his brother told him. This is Roman, he is not exactly conservative in what he chooses to say, and I can’t think of any reason for him to withhold information unless he deemed it distasteful.”

Pleased with his sound reasoning, Logan gives Virgil a small smile which isn’t returned as Virgil shakes his head.

“You're wrong Logan, he wasn’t trying to protect me. He’s always wanted me gone, he hates me.”

Logan lets out a resided sigh and straightens his tie; he will need to be more persuasive if he wishes for Virgil to listen to him.

“He _wanted_ you gone, past tense. While I can’t disagree that in the beginning, you two butt heads more often than any of us, things have changed since then. Roman came around once he understood all that you provide to both Thomas and his own work. Since then, he has made a conscious effort to get along with you, changing his behaviour and even how he addresses you. If that does not display at least some level of regard, then I can think of nothing more conclusive to offer. However, it is my personal belief that Roman did not intend to be ‘savage’ any more than you did.”

At his use of the slang term Virgil smirks, the closest thing Logan has seen to a smile since he arrived and a hopeful development.

“I guess you’re right, but I…” Virgil’s words trail off into a long low moan of irritation or possibly frustration. Regardless of which, it is apparent that Virgil has other issues that are causing him distress.

“Talk to me Virgil, I may not be as skilled as Patton is at dealing with these situations, but I will listen and offer what perspective I can.”

It takes several minutes with them both sitting in silence before Virgil feels comfortable enough to speak, his words underlaid with discernable tension.

“Well, hypothetically, is it possible for a side to corrupt the others, I don’t mean like what happens when you spend too long in my room but to corrupt a side enough to cause them permanent damage that could hurt Thomas?”

Logan sits back, this isn’t what he expected, and he frowns as his mind turns over the question.

“I can’t answer that, hypnotically or figuratively, there isn’t enough data in your question to come to an answer or even to create a theory. Are you concerned that you have been corrupted?”

“No, well, maybe. Could I have been the cause of Remus, the reason why Thomas’s creativity split when it was developing, because of my fears of the aspects Remus stands for?”

Logan shakes his head before Virgil has finished speaking; looking at him directly to ensure his point is received.

“Remus’s creation was caused by Thomas and in a small way Patton since he is the source of Thomas’s morality, if you had any effect on it, then it would be indistinguishable and irrelevant. Is that all you are worried about?”

Virgil rakes his hand through his hair and sighs, “Some of it, I just have a lot of stuff in my head, and I don’t know what to do with it, whether it even means something and if I’m…wrong.”

Logan really isn’t qualified to offer physiological advice, but with no-one else available he decides that he is the only person who might be able to lessen vigils concerns.

“Are you sure these are not intrusive thoughts? Remus can affect others besides Thomas, and if he has been here recently, then he might have brought on these developing doubts.”

Virgil climbs to his feet and begins nervously pacing by the staircase, his hands fidgeting with the drawstrings on his hoody before being shoved into his pockets.

“No, I know what those are like, and now I even know how to deal with them thanks to you, these are my thoughts, my…paranoia,” he grimaces as he says the word, lip curling as if it has left a bad taste in his mouth.

“What thoughts, exactly, I cannot solve the problem until I know what it is.”

Fixing his glasses, Logan crosses his arms and leans back in the chair to get more comfortable since this could take a while. When it becomes clear, Virgil isn’t going to speak hanging his head as his face flushes once more Logan attempts to prompt a response.

“Are they unpleasant thoughts? Could they potentially harm you or others?”

The questions seem to draw Virgil back to the conversation and he pauses in his pacing to answer.

“They aren’t unpleasant, really, and I don’t think they can hurt anyone except me. They’re more feelings that thoughts, feelings I shouldn’t have.”

Hearing that Logan truly believes he may be out of his depth, feelings are confusing, and no amount of logic can be applied to understand them. He’s tempted to fetch Patton, but since he hasn’t arrived yet, he can only conclude that he is still with Roman, possibly dealing with the fall out of his fight with Virgil.

“If Patton was here I’m confident he would explain that there are no feelings that you shouldn’t have. He recently experienced something similar with his own negative feelings and the difficulty and problems he suffered trying to avoid them. He even recently advised me that emotions linger because we actively choose to prolong them. If your feelings are not going away, then you must think them important or enjoyable to an extent.”

“I mean, yeah, but they are confusing. Sometimes they’re nice and other times not so much,” Virgil admits slouching back onto the wall, his eyes staring off at something Logan can’t see.

“Once more, I need you to clarify. What feelings are you experiencing and why, only then can we reach a solution.”

Virgil pulls up his hood, hiding his face and when he talks the words are whispered, muffled and barely coherent, fortunately, Logan still manages to hear enough to deduce what information he wishes to convey.

“I like Princey….but I….wrong because….Thomas’s sides.”

“You are attracted to Roman, and you feel that such an attachment is wrong because you are different sides of Thomas’s personality, sharing a similar appearance and so forth, is that correct.”

Logan watches Virgil’s hood move as he nods, his arms wrapping around his stomach as if he is about to be ill.

“Your attraction is actually reasonable. There have been many studies in history that look at the correlation between likeness and attraction. There is, of course, Sigmund Freud’s famous Oedipus complex. The basic idea that children form a sexual attraction to their opposite-gendered parent, which has been heavily securitised and disproved by many. However, from his theory, other psychologists, such as Erik Erickson who I mentioned before and later Helen lee Bee, have all found evidence that a child’s relationship with their parents will affect their choice of partner once they reach adulthood. Now I know that you likely don’t see the point of discussing this since you are not a child, nor do you have a parent. The closest approximation would be that Thomas is your symbolic father figure, he created you, and as such you are his child, figuratively of course. Then if we look at your relationship with Thomas which in the beginning, can best be described as an insecure attachment and with your core trait being anxiety you developed into what Kim Bartholomew describes as a fearful-avoidant. Passive and dependant as well as self-deprecating, but you still desire intimacy even as you fear rejection. Does this sound familiar?”

Pausing Logan waits to ensure than Virgil can follow the conversation. Virgil is looking up now, eyes wide and still surrounded by the smudged traces of his eye shadow as he hangs on Logan’s words.

“Uh, yeah, actually.”

“Good,” Logan says with a nod before continuing, “Then that explains why you feel uncomfortable with your attraction to Roman, or anyone in general, even your friendships will be affected by this. As for your fascination with Roman specifically, as humans, we are drawn, on an unconscious level, to the familiar. A study as recent as 2003 by Little and his associates found that physical characteristics such as hair and eye colour of a person’s partner tend to match that of their opposite parent, or same-sex in the case of the subject being homosexual. While we all share Thomas’s face, Roman’s is the most like Thomas’s because he doesn’t wear glasses or makeup. However it is more than just physical similarities that need to be considered, Roman encompasses most of Thomas’s positive traits, his passion, his flair for the dramatic, his over the top attitude and it probably doesn’t hurt that he is the embodiment of Thomas’s romantic notions. A study by Epstein and Guttman conducted in 1984 showed that people chose romantic partners based on perceived similarities in personality with their parental figures. In four out of eight traits, the scores correlated significantly.”

“Furthermore,” Logan says taking a deep breath before continuing, “The higher the correlation and the more positive the trait, the more satisfactory the relationship. Considering all this there is also your compatibility, you work together within Thomas, even when you don’t see eye to eye, you both still contribute in a constructive way to the other, balancing out your less desirable traits. Now, many of the studies I mentioned have been contested and contradicted by other studies, but whether they are correct in their hypothesis, your feelings are not wrong, and neither are you. Emotions are messy, confusing and illogical, and any attempt to make them conform to a structure is doomed to fail. The only rational thing to do is accept them and consider relaying this information to Roman-."

“No!!”

Virgil who has been silent as he listened suddenly shouts out loud, his voice echoing with distortion around them.

“I really must insist, it is literally the only logical route to take to reach a conclusion to your feelings, either Roman will return them or he won’t but the only possible way to know which is to present the decision to him. At the moment, you are both held at a point of suspension, where two outcomes are both in potential. Similar to Schrodinger’s cat, devised in 1935 and used to illustrate what he saw as the problem of Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics and-.”

Logan’s words cut off as Virgil grabs his shoulders, locking with Virgil’s eyes Logan can see the terror in his expression and his mind, that had been reeling pauses for a second before beginning to spiral again.

“Logan you have to leave, you’ve been here too long, get out, get out now!”

Logan realises his heart is beating at an expeditiously rapid rate, and he knew if he looked, he would find the same black rings under his eyes as Virgil continually possesses.

“Logan, breath, remember,” Virgil says his voice distorting so appallingly that Logan can only just understand the words. Regardless he begins to concentrate on his breathing, in for four seconds, holding for seven and releasing for eight.

“I’m fine,” Logan says after a few deep breaths, giving Virgil what he hopes is a comforting smile.

“Are you alright? I don’t want to leave if you are still struggling with your emotions.”

“Yeah,” Virgil says swallowing before a smirk appears on his face, “I’ll be alright, and, well, thanks for listening Logan and uh, helping.”

“I am always happy to be of assistance, should you need to discuss things further maybe you could-“

“Remus! You malicious egomaniac, I swear on my honour I will slay you where you stand if you’ve harmed him in any way. Your death will be both slow and painful-,” Roman’s words trail off as he takes in the scene before him, “Ok, what’s going on? Why is Logan here and are you two hugging?”

Roman’s voice rises as he spoke the last word his eyes looking between Logan and Virgil in confusion and another emotion that Logan can’t identify. As Virgil jumps back throwing his hands in the air with panic displayed on his face looking at Roman, Logan simply observes.

“What? No! Logan was becoming corrupted from being here, and I was trying to calm him down so he could leave. I swear.”

“Oh, um I see,” Roman mutters as he lowers his sword and giving Virgil a nervous smile, his eyes lingering before he glances towards Logan. _Interesting_ , Logan thinks and sensing that his presence is no longer required he decides to depart and allow them to converse in private.

“My suggestion still has merit Virgil, please consider it. For now, I think it best I return to my own room before I experience any more ill effects from remaining here. Goodbye, Virgil, Roman." With a nod at each, he closes his eyes and after a few deep breaths reemerges in his own room. Picking up a book he wonders briefly about Roman’s dramatic entrance but decides to ask Patton about it later, for now, he has a book that he wishes to read in the peaceful quiet of his own abode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, my degree in psychology and the course I took in counselling are finally being used for something. Early update because I'm going away for the weekend, the next chapter will be posted on friday as usual next week.


	10. Deceit's Deal and Remus's Response

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

Deceit jumps at the whispered words as his trousers burst in to flames, scrabbling in a panic he rises off the couch, patting rapidly at the fabric until his brain catches up. He knows whose voice that is which means…waving his hand the illusion vanishes leaving nothing behind but the lingering smell of burnt cloth and a few wisps of smoke.

“Wouldn’t it be interesting if your pants did set on fire whenever you lied? I mean it would kinda ruin the point of being deceitful since it’s so oblivious but what a riot,” Remus muses as he stands from crouching, fixing his sash.

“Oh yes, a real bundle of fun,” Deceit answers his voice dripping with sarcasm and annoyance. Being startled in his own room has left a bad impression on his already sour mood and unwilling to be outdone, he conjures up his own illusion.

The snake is giant, its fangs dripping with venom as it hisses and lunges at Remus but the other side, however, doesn’t even flinch. Instead his eyebrow rises as he studies the creature before a smile spreads over his face. Before Deceit knows what's happening Remus has reached out and ripped one of the fangs from the snake's mouth. The illusion disappearing and leaving only the bloody tooth in Remus’s hand as he holds it up to the dim yellow light.

“I understand you have a theme, you own personal aesthetic but have you ever considered branching out a bit, maybe add some spiders or…” Remus pauses as he struggles to think of something before vanishing the fang and clapping his hands enthusiastically. “Or maybe just a swarm of insects. Have you ever heard of a honey trap? You seal a person in a box and cover them in honey, it attracts all the creepy crawlies and they find their way in through all the cracks and gap and eat the guy alive, slowly, so very slowly.”

Deceit swallows quickly and tries his best not to imagine such a fate, he should have known better than to try and challenge Remus. You can’t scare someone whose whole deal is being a horrific psychopath who thinks that the black death and serial killers are fun conversation topics.

“Sounds delightful. I will be sure to look into your suggestion and give it due consideration,” Deceit says every word a lie.

Remus giggles at his statement as he skips over toward him and leans into his face with a manic grin.

“Of course you will, Salazar Slytherin,” he teases with a smirk.

Deceit rolls his eyes at the nickname, he’s heard much worse, and it seems to be an unavoidable habit when dealing with one of Thomas's creative sides. Forcing himself to smile, he moves around Remus wanting a bit of distance as he conjures his hat and gloves back into place. He wouldn’t want to appear too relaxed, or Remus might take it as a sign they are friends instead of two people with similar goals.

 _Speaking of goals_ , he thinks as he glances at Remus, it is about time he starts laying the groundwork for his plans.

“Now-.”

“Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I’ve been having so much fun today, if I’d known just how easy it is to rile up the other sides I wouldn’t have wasted all that time on Casper the frightened ghost. I’ve visited everyone, and I have a new game to play. I want to find out how much it takes to make Patton cry or Logan to lose his cool. Honestly that guy could do with lightening up a little maybe if I shoved a lightbulb up his-.”

“Yes! Yes, a great idea and one I would love to hear all about,” Deceit says cutting the other off before he gets another unpleasant image stuck in his head. Talking to Remus is always a trial, trying to keep his mind focused and blocking out the disturbing ideas he generates.

“I even had a little chat with my darling brother. I didn't know he could look so angry. For a second I thought he might turn into that dragon witch he’s so fond of and breath fire.”

Deceit is only half listening to Remus as most of his attention is focused on trying to work out how to convince the other side to help him. Hearing Roman mentioned is just the ticket he needs and spinning he steeples his fingers and gazes at Remus.

“I’m shocked, surely Roman was over the moon to see you.”

Remus snorts before bringing a hand to his chest, “I know, but he was so rude. Threatening me with his sword and all because of the emo nightmare no less. You’d think he liked the cry baby or something, the way his eyes burned with rage made me shiver,” Remus says shimming his shoulders and shaking his hips. The hint of something sexual in his tone that really shouldn’t be present when discussing his brother and Deceit tries not to show his distaste at the implications.

Thankfully he can distract himself by focusing on the information Remus has unwillingly given him. He’d worked out Virgil's feelings for Princey earlier by paying attention to his expression when Remus had turned into Roman, but he had never considered that the other side might also harbour feelings for Virgil. It seems impossible to believe when you looked at how often they squabbled, always snapping and teasing each other.

 _Oh_ , Deceit's mind spins as he starts to understand.

He really should have seen it sooner, after all, he is a master of deception. Now that he’s thinking about it the lie really was very obvious, but he didn’t think they would be immature enough to resort to ‘pulling pigtails’ like school children.

Alright, that’s a lie, he could very much see them both doing just that rather than admit their feelings. Virgil has always been hesitant to put himself out there, understandably and Princey having Thomas's romantic ability becomes a gibbering mess when someone makes his heart race. Easier then to toss out an insult than to risk rejection and humiliation, both things Roman’s ego doesn’t deal well with.

“Are you sure it was because of Virgil, I mean they hate each other so much?”

Remus shrugs having already lost interest in the conversation as he wanders around Deceit's room, poking at his things.

“More likely it was his hero complex, ‘gotta save them all’,” Remus sings to the pokemon theme song. “Still, it’s a new way to get under Roman’s skin, a switch, a button to push. It’s a big bright purple button with Virgil's name written on it in glitter and makes him spitting mad when I touch it.”

Deceit isn’t shocked that Remus hasn’t worked out his twin's feelings for Virgil since he’s madder than a hatter and as lost as Alice in his own messed up wonderland. It’s also probably best he doesn’t since Remus is a blabbermouth and Deceit really is looking forward to holding Virgil’s secret over his head.

However, he has more important things to do, and he wants to do them quickly so he can get rid of Remus. The Duke mentioned a new game, one that would keep the other sides busy and hopefully cause a significant enough distraction that he can smoothly slide into place. His rightful place where Patton usually stands, his optimistic hopefulness and general naivety of the world making him a danger to them all. Thomas is too trusting for his own good especially now he is aware of Deceit’s existence and actively avoids lying unless necessary.

Deceit's eyes dart to the clock, the hands still pointed at the number two, they hadn’t even been good lies but the small ones a person tells themselves.

_I’ll get this chore done in just a minute_

_I’ll just watch one more episode_

_I’ll go to sleep early tonight_

_I’ll just have one cookie_

Pathetic and pointless lies that barely even classed as such, he could do so much better, so much more if he only has the chance. The biggest problem is that to get to Patton, he has to deal with all the others who will jump to his rescue, even Virgil who has a soft spot for the idiot.

“Indeed, annoying Roman is an important task but what about the others and the new little game you mentioned. I guess you just don’t have the skill needed to deal with them all at once,” Deceit taunts as he studies his gloved hand and smirks.

“Annoying Roman is one of my purposes in life. It’s so fun watching him get flustered and throw a tantrum like a child. Maybe he’ll even try and chase me off with his sword, it’ll be just like when we were kids before Patton started getting stricter on what Thomas could find funny. As for my game, Patton is a piece of cake. I mean that honestly, he is soft and so easy to squish,” Remus says as he conjures a slice of cake smashing it in his hand with a deranged giggle and a spark of something dangerous in his eye, licking some of the frosting off his finger he winks at Deceit and continues his voice whiner than usual. “Logan won’t be able to stand that, seeing Patton all emotional and upset, I’ve found he can be as protective as my twin when the mood suits him. This way I can kill two birds with one stone, though if we’re going to kill birds I find that watching them get sucked into plane engines is much more satisfying than throwing rocks at them.”

Deceit takes a step back, more than a little concerned by Remus’s words even as he hums and eats cake from his hand. There is something childish yet terrifying about him, Deceit can admit that his moral compass might be a little wobbly, but it’s possible and probable that Remus doesn’t have one at all.

“Purely out of curiosity,”- and gut-churning fear-“How exactly do you plan to accomplish sure a wonderful feat?” Deceit asks while nervously licking his lips and avoiding direct eye contact.

“Oh, a bit of teasing, Roman can’t stand being mocked. As for Patton a few upsetting comments and he’ll be bawling his eyes out which will trigger Logan into getting involved and acting defensive. Five minutes work and I’m done, no point doing more than that. I wish it were a bit more of a challenge, but all it takes is knowing where to twist the blade in,” Remus explains as if he’s talking to a child before falling back onto Deceit's couch his feet hanging over the armrest.

Deceit isn’t sure if he should be impressed or relieved, mainly what he feels is angry. He’s angry that this lunatic is going to poke fun at the other sides and be a minor nuisance rather than provide a useful distraction. He brought Remus in to cause anarchy and instead he is planning a schoolyard prank.

“Tease them? I expected something a bit more than childish mockery from you,” Deceit admits before grimacing at the taste of a truth on his tongue, it’s sharp and painful. They say that the truth hurts and that isn’t just a meaningless bit of philosophy for him.

“Oh, really, and what did you expect from me?”

Deceit doesn’t say anything choosing not to walk into the trap Remus is setting him up for. Regardless Remus isn’t going to let him escape as he laughs and stretches out on the couch even as Deceit looks down at the floor.

“I think I can guess and I also think I know why you’re so upset. Are you feeling left out Dee-Dee?”

Deceit looks up quickly at Remus’s words, eyes-widening in worry as the other dark side rises to his feet and stalks towards him.

“Absolutely,” he says and regrets the snarky and deceitful reply when Remus’s smile grows broader.

“I knew it but don’t worry your scaly head I will happily let you join in the game as my favourite victim,” Remus whispers and Deceit’s blood really does run cold as he swallows. Forcing a smile on his face he lets out a strained laugh.

“I’m flattered, but I wouldn’t want you to waste your precious time on me.”

Stepping back, he once more tries to put some distance between them, but Remus follows him until he is backed into a corner.

“It’s no waste, I don’t think we’ve ever really had a chance to talk, and I don’t know your buttons, so it will be a challenge to find them. I’ll admit I’ve always been curious about your scales, do you shed them like a snake?”

Deceit doesn’t know what to say after his last untruthful answer, worried Remus will take him at his word deliberately, the only thing he really wants to say is ‘go away’. Too bad Remus tends to come and go when he pleases, you can’t get rid of him with a simple order.

 _It would just encourage him to stay if he realised how uncomfortable he is making me,_ Deceit reasons, so he just raises an eyebrow in an attempt to look bored at the question.

“Have you ever seen a snake shed its skin, it makes them look slimy as the new shiny skin is exposed. They even have scales over their eyes that turn milky white just before they shed. They can’t see very well when that happens, and the scales can sometimes become stuck, the rest of the scales sliding off easily like pulling off a sock but the eyecaps remain. It makes them very irritable, and they will try to remove them, if they don’t, they will build up, get infected and cause complete blindness. How’s your vision Deceit? I think your right eye looks a little dull,” Remus states as he places a finger near Deceit's slitted eye.

The pupil constricts as it focuses on the digit so close to it, seeing it clearly even in the dim light, his heart rate increasing as he realises how easy it would be for Remus to shove his finger into the soft orb of layered tissue. Instinct takes over, and Deceit lets out a low hiss as he strikes. Pushing Remus back with a hard shove and darting into the open space behind him.

Remus manages to remain on his feet after pinwheeling his arms to balance himself and then he doubles forward laughing. The sound raises the hairs on the back of Deceit’s neck as it rings with a note of madness and brings to mind half-believed fears of boogeymen and monsters.

“You are a scream Deceit. Forget the others, you are much more fun to play with,” Remus says still chuckling as he straightens up and titles his head in appreciation as he eyes up Deceit.

He’s trying to calm his breathing, the sound of his panting louder in his ears than it probably is but still a clear indication of his current state. He fixes his cloak and tugs at his gloves in a vain attempt to appear fine. His skill with lies tends to be displayed in his words more than his actions, but he will play the role if it will make Remus back off and forget his plan.

“You do not want to play games with me Remus, I promise you will not enjoy what I will do to you if you continue,” Deceit threatens, it’s not a promise because he knows there is nothing he can do to Remus. Something that Remus likely knows too, but bluffing is the only defence he has so he needs to make it sound believable.

“I am Deceit, lies and trickery are mine to control, and I will make a better ally than an enemy. Do not cross me,” he states keeping his tone light even if a few hisses slip out.

Remus rolls his eyes and saunters towards him and Deceit has to force himself to not move, to not flinch. Suddenly he has a tiny bit of respect for Virgil managing to stand up to Remus earlier. He must have been terrified, but Virgil hadn’t backed down and nor will he. Eyes locking on Remus’s and lips pressed into a thin disapproving line.

They don’t speak, each standing there for silent minutes that crawl past at a snail's pace, Remus’s smile not faltering and making Deceit uneasy wondering just what he will do.

He’s taken by complete surprise when Remus grabs his arms and then swoops forward and shouts boo at him. The grip not preventing him from jumping at the loud unexpected noise, the squeak of fear that escapes his mouth an unavoidable reaction that makes Remus giggle.

Fighting to get free of his grip, Deceit snarls, “I’m going to-.”

Deceit doesn’t get to tell Remus what he's going to do because Remus presses a kiss to his cheek that sends his head spinning in confusion over what the hell is happening!!

“You’re so cute, I’ll be back to see you soon, Dee-Dee,” Remus chirps before he lets go of Deceit and sinks away.

“What the fuck!!”

Deceit barely notices the truth of his words as he shouts them at the walls of his room. He can’t deal with this, he doesn’t even know where to begin dealing with this so he decides to lie to himself and pretend it never happened.

Why confront a problem when you can just avoid it, and he would be avoiding Remus as much as possible in the future too. He really did regret getting him involved now as his head begins to pound from a headache and too many thoughts swirling inside his brain.

Falling onto the couch he closes his eyes and prepares to take a nap, maybe this will all make sense after he’s slept and if Remus comes back he’s going to shove the guy straight back out again, no goal is worth putting up with that nutcase.

Letting out a deep breath he shifts to get comfortable but as his mind begins to drift it offers him a dream of being trapped inside a box and the sensation of hundreds of small insect feet moving over his skin. Grumbling, he rolls onto his side, and a light bulb appears and disappears before being replaced with a long almost translucent rope of snakeskin that wraps around his body. Frowning he rolls over to his other side and a pair of eyes, just eyes with the nerves trailing in a bloody mess from them. The pupils contracting to look at him, shrinking and then growing again.

His eyes snap open, and he growls at the ceiling as he moves onto his back and curses Remus for putting all this stuff in his head.

“I despise him,” Deceit mutters aloud, enjoying the sting of the truth on his tongue as he remembers the kiss Remus placed on his cheek. Wiping the skin with his hand he huffs out a grunt of disgust and once more tries to sleep already knowing that it won’t work and if it does, he will likely have nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left which will be Virgil and Roman, however I'm considering adding a bonus chapter that contains a bit of logicality. Let me know in the comments if this sounds like a good idea.


	11. Virgil's Victory

Virgil sticks his hands in his pockets and stares at the spot where Logan had been standing, his heart beating a little too fast from nerves at Roman’s arrival. He’s not sure why he’s back again but trying to appear unfazed he slowly looks up and meets his eyes.

Roman shifts from one foot to the other under his gaze, his sword hanging by his side rather than raised and ready to strike.

 _I guess that’s slightly comforting_ , Virgil thinks, he would prefer not to be stabbed if they are going to start fighting again.

“Um, Virgil,” Roman begins then clears his throat before continuing in the same soft tone, “I hope you don’t mind me dropping in unannounced again, but I wanted to, that is to say, that I, well...”

Virgil frowns at Roman’s rambling, it’s uncommon for him to have trouble speaking his mind. More often than not, he just blurts out whatever he wants without a second thought, something Virgil envies since he tends to overthink everything.

“Princey?”

“Look, I’m sorry,” Roman finally spits out looking away and slashing his sword by his feet, whether merely for something to do or to let off some steam Virgil can’t tell.

“Oh, that’s….good,” Virgil offers. He’s not really sure what he should say since he hadn’t expected Roman to apologise; actually, he should probably be the one saying sorry, but Roman begins talking again before he gets the chance.

“I mean it, I know I’ve not always been particularly nice to you in the past, which is something I regret now. I’m also truly sorry for my harsh words earlier. They were…undeserved and proof that I can be just as unpleasant as Remus sometimes, despite my best efforts to avoid such a thing.”

Roman glances up at Virgil, a pained smile on his face at his confession. Virgil steps forward without thinking, freeing a hand that reaches forward until he quickly draws it back and uses it to rub the back of his neck.

“You’re not like him Princey,” he mutters his face feeling a bit warm. Trying to lessen the tension between them, he waves his hand and smirks at Roman.

“For starters, he reeks, plus you have better hair.”

Roman lets out a small chuckle as he reaches up and brushes back the strains that have fallen into his eyes.

“Indeed I do,” Roman agrees his expression relaxing until he locks eyes with Virgil and it seems to tighten again as he smiles a little too wide. Knowing he still needs to say sorry himself Virgil takes a deep breath and prepares to bite the bullet, his words rushing out and a little muffled by embarrassment.

“Seriously though, I’m sorry for what I said too. I didn't mean it, I took my bad mood out on you, and that wasn’t fair.”

He turns away after saying it, studying the bannister, as he debates pulling his hood back up to hide his face. He can feel this cheeks burning and fights back his blush by changing the subject.

“So anyway, wanna tell me why you were cursing Remus when you showed up? If you meant to go to his room, it’s a bit further back and to the right,” Virgil says with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

However, he really wishes he had the guts to ask the question spinning on a loop in his head, building bigger as he continues to think about it.

_Were you talking about me being harmed when you threatened Remus?_

Virgil can’t seem to stop thinking about Roman’s words or the dangerous look in his eyes when he had appeared, as the goosebumps it had caused still cover his skin but he’s too much of a coward to ask.

Roman only smiles at his question, a dimple appearing in his cheek, “Thanks for the directions, I wasn’t aware you had taken up a second job as a satnav. In truth, while I came here to speak with you, I thought Remus might have been here too.”

“Why?” Raising an eyebrow, Virgil studies Roman as he coughs into his hand, his cheeks going rosy and his eyes trained on the floor before he waves a hand, brushing Virgil off.

“Just a silly thought I had, no real reason. It’s not like I built up some fantasy in my head and rushed here without thinking or anything,” Roman says before letting out a forced chuckle. Vigil watches on perplexed as Roman then rolls his eyes, letting out a groan of annoyance as he grimaces. Virgil is sure Roman’s obvious irritation is directed at himself rather than him for a change. Flashing a smile Roman focuses back on Virgil, his voice almost too casual when he starts speaking again.

“Seeing logan here really threw me, I wasn’t aware that you guys are close.”

Virgil can tell that Roman is fishing for something by saying that and remembering how they looked when Princey arrived, he can sorta understand his line of questioning. He feels his cheeks heating at the veiled suggestion that he and Logan are more than friends and he quickly sets out to clear up any misunderstanding.

“We’re not, close, I mean. I’m not really sure why Logan stopped by, and then we got talking about,” Virgil stops talking glancing at Princey from under his bangs while he shrugs, “Stuff, nothing important.”

He really doesn’t want Roman to know exactly what they discussed and hopes he won’t pry. Leaning back against the bannister of the stairs, he attempts to look relaxed and normal, or normal for him, which is moody and distant.

Roman is frowning at him, not angrily. It's more like he’s concerned and when he steps closer Virgil's stomach twists into a knot as he licks his dry lips. Keeping his breathing level, he smirks at Roman and titles his head back, showing a bit of attitude even as his pulse races loud enough that he can hear it in his ears.

“Virge,” Princey whispers softly, so quietly that Virgil wouldn’t have heard him if not for the fact that he is now stood right in front of him, “You have tear tracks in your makeup.”

There isn’t any mockery in his expression or tone, but Virgil hears it anyway and ducks his head, hissing out a curse. _Shit, shit, shit_ , his mind screams. He had forgotten his panic attack and the tears that had poured down his face, he must look even worse than usual. Quickly he wipes at his face with his sleeve, he knows it will only make it worse, but he can’t exactly fix his makeup while Roman is here watching him.

His face is now an inferno, burning his skin with the blood heated by his embarrassment. Giving up on wiping at his cheeks, he crosses his arms and keeps his head down, ready for the teasing and laughter. His shoulders lift to his ears when he hears Roman take a deep breath and his body tenses further, the muscles winding up and joints locking in place. His head going crazy as it begins attacking him before Roman has the chance, predicting all the ways Roman could bully him.

A hand comes down on his shoulder, the fingers gripping hard for a second before loosening and he curls his lip as he looks up at Roman with a snappy comment on the tip of his tongue.

“Was that…my fault?”

The words die in his mouth and are swallowed back down at Roman’s hesitantly asked question. Virgil takes a closer look at Roman, the corners of his mouth are turned down, and his eyes are unblinkingly fixed on him. Unable, or perhaps more truthfully, unwilling to tell Roman the truth, Virgil resorts to humour in an attempt to hide the painful ache that is growing in his chest. It almost sounds like Roman cares about him, but Virgil knows that is a figment of his imagination. Roman doesn’t care about him, not like that anyway and that knowledge hurts more than he wants it to.

“Would it bruise your ego if I said it wasn’t your fault? I know how delicate that thing is and how much you love everything to be about-.”

The look Roman is giving him causes his mouth to close, the last word still stuck on his tongue. There’s a fire burning in Princey’s eyes as they bore into his, something painful and open that steals away his senses and thoughts.

“Will you drop the attitude, I'm being sincere here, and I want an honest answer. Are you ok?”

Virgil turns his head away unable to keep looking at Roman, a lump forming in his throat but he swallows it down. He isn’t going to start crying again, not with Roman here and close enough to see the tears swimming in his eyes before he blinks them away. Why won’t Roman go away? He said his piece and Virgil has apologised too, so why is he still here.

“Aww, you worried about me Princey.”

Not knowing what else to do, he makes a joke. Teasing Roman is familiar and comforting, and right now, that’s what he needs. Whatever is happening between them right now is neither of those things, and he isn’t emotionally stable enough to try and analyse the game Roman is playing.

Roman doesn’t react at first; his lips pressing together into a thin line and Vigil thinks he’s really messed up. His sarcasm always results in the same thing with Roman, and any minute they will start shouting and throwing insults until Roman storms away again leaving Virgil cursing his role as a dark side and the anxiety he embodies that ruins everything. As they stand and stare at each other Roman’s hand moves from his shoulder, and the tip of one of his fingers brushes Virgil’s cheek gently before Roman suddenly steps back and drops it to his side. A sense of longing roars through Virgil as he desperately wants to experience the feeling of Roman’s hand touch his cheek again and have it mean more than an accident, a mistake.

“Yes.”

“What?”

Virgil doesn’t understand Roman’s mumbled word, thrown by the firmness of his tone as he steps forward once again. He was too busy listening to the thoughts in his head that refused to be silenced or ignored, screaming louder, so he was deafened by them all spewing venom and reminding him how disgusting he is for his desires. They disappear as Roman speaks again, banished to another place for now as Virgil stares at Princey in shock.

“Yes, I’m worried about you. From what you said earlier things can get pretty bad down here, and that worries me. My brother hanging out here worries me,” Roman shakes his head, “No, it bothers me, more than it probably should. The thought of him here, near you,” Roman reaches out his free hand towards Virgil's face before jerking it back as if burned, “Truthfully it drives me mad.”

Spinning away, Roman moves to the centre of the room, his sword gripped tightly in his hand and Virgil can see the knuckles turning white as he lifts it before him. Unsure whether Roman is taking the piss Virgil remains quiet and watches Roman as he swings the sword in graceful arches before it once again falls to hang limply at his side.

“Some prince I am. I’ve never saved anyone, never protected them. We’re lucky to have you looking out for us, but I wish you hadn’t needed to do it alone because I wasn’t here to help.”

“What, I don’t understand,” Virgil spits out. He doesn’t know what Princey is saying, what it means and he doesn’t like being confused. The unknown makes him edgy, prickling his skin and making the hair on his neck rise. His mind is scrambling to fit the dreary wishful words into some sort of order because they don’t fit Princey, with his usual lager than life persona and often blind determination. It almost sounds like Roman has regrets and that he really does care about him.

 _Yeah right_ , his mind whispers sarcastically, sounding far too much like Deceit for Virgil's comfort as he looks around to make sure the other side hasn’t returned.

“You asked where was I when you needed a hero?” Roman declares as he spins around his arms opened wide and chest puffed out before he seems to deflate a little and shifts his feet on the carpet. “I know I’m a little late but would you still be interested in having one, or maybe a boyfriend?”

This is all too much for Virgil, it’s a joke. Someone told Roman how he feels, and now he’s here to mess with his head and see if it’s true. The moment Virgil says anything that can be seen in that way Roman will start laughing at him and come up with some new stupid nicknames or insults. His heart cracks, spilling out pain and self-loathing and anger. Roman is being cruel, and Vigil wants to return the favour, but he can’t bring himself to be the bad guy, not now. Not again.

“No, I don’t need you, I don’t want…I’m fine.”

The last word echos with distortion as it passes his closing throat and fresh tears fill his eyes. Before he can say more, his face is buried against a piece of white fabric, and the scent of sandalwood and some type of berry fills his nose. He flinches when a hand combs through his hair while an arm slips behind his back and holds him close to a warm body.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…., just forget about it. It doesn’t matter, but I’m not leaving this time storm cloud, not until I know you’re ok,” Roman whispers into his ear. Virgil hesitantly lets his hands settle on Princey’s hips, sniffing back his tears and hating how good it feels to be this close to Roman even as he presses closer.

“Roman,” Virgil whispers, filling the word with everything he can’t say, all his loneliness and longing and the need to hold on painfully tight because he doesn’t want this moment to end.

As he begins to calm down and his tears slow Virgil allows Roman to comfort him, briefly worrying about his makeup staining the white-collar before pressing closer into Princey’s neck anyway. With his eyes closed, he forgets everything and enjoys the moment, just for a little while, later he can freak out over it all, but he just doesn’t have the energy for that now. Roman is here, holding him and whispering softly spoken confessions of love into his ear that mend his heart and make it flip in his chest.

He lets out a hum of contentment as blunt nails gently scratch his scalp and Roman’s breath slips into the gap of his hoodie to ghost over the back of his neck and heat it. This feels right, he thinks, the optimistic idea bringing a smirk to his face as he wonders if it’s Roman’s positivity or proximity that is causing it. He feels so tired that he could fall asleep on his feet but as his muscles loosen and he has trouble making his eyes open reality returns jolting him back to alertness.

He doesn’t know what to do now, but he can’t stay locked in Princey’s arms forever even if the idea of having to actually face the other side fills him with a cringy sort of terror. They will have to talk eventually, though Virgil isn’t sure he can do that without blushing. On the other hand, he really can’t keep holding onto him either because it’s pathetic and Roman is probably getting annoyed, and regretting what he said, and Virgil is so sick and tired of being afraid and worrying. Something good is finally happening to him, and he’s already plotting all the ways it could go wrong, already blaming himself for making a mess of things.

 _Why can’t things ever be simple_ , he thinks, not for the first time.

Taking a deep breath, he tries to pull away, but Roman’s grip tightens, preventing him for doing anything but lift his head, allowing him to look at Princey’s face. He’s shocked to see Roman’s cheeks are red and a playful smile is on his lips.

“I’m afraid I can’t let you go, as you, my dear dark knight have been captured,” Roman says, his voice teasing and making Virgil flush further before a nervous chuckle escapes. Soon it becomes a real laugh that lasts a few minutes as he lets out all his pent up emotions in a hysterical fit. The deep vibrations in his chest, making him aware that he is still pressed against Roman’s chest.

“Is that so Princey,” he finally manages to get out on a gasp of air, his voice deep and husky. Calming down he raises an eyebrow at Roman who nods even as he flashes Virgil a devilish smile and squeezes him tightly for a moment.

“And just how long do you plan to keep me prisoner, oh, valiant prince?”

There is mockery dripping from every word, but he can’t stop himself from smirking, which softens his meaning to something full of affection.

“I was planning forever, that is, so long as you have no objections?” Princey replies, regaining his confident attitude at their easy banter. Virgil just shakes his head and rests it back on Roman’s shoulder, his hands, wrapping more tightly around Roman and as he relaxes into the hug.

“You are ridiculous,” he mumbles as he rolls his eyes, smiling like a fool into Princey’s costume, “But sure, forever sounds okay to me.”

This time when he lifts his head Roman leans forward and captures his mouth in a gentle kiss, and even if he is only an imaginary construct, Virgil feels genuinely alive at this moment as he kisses Roman back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided I will be adding a bonus chapter with Logan and Patton being adorable and flirting badly with each other for the logicality shippers like myself. Also wanted to say thank you to everyone that has read, kudos and commented on this story, it is very much appreciated.


	12. Logan Learns

_Ancient astronomers often spoke of the ‘fixed stars’ which maintained permanent positions in the sky because they are so far away, it will take thousands of lifetimes to see significant changes in these stars patterns…._

Logan frowns as for a moment the words before him are replaced with Patton’s jovial grin and the melodious sound of carefree laughter. Fixing his glasses Logan pushes the image aside, now is not the time to contemplate the puns the moral side liked to create with his given name. Sitting up straighter he returns to reading.

_Many stories have been tied to the stars and in some cases resulted in the names they were given. There are even those that believe that the stars have a degree of control over their lives, in the form of star signs directing things such as personality, success and even love. This belief extends to everyday phrases such as star crossed-lovers, which is derived from the notion of lovers whose relationship is being thwarted by a malign star or outside forces._

Once more, Logan finds his attention drifting, this time to Virgil and the unexpected discussion they had about the relationships amongst the sides and which ones are appropriate. However, it was a surprisingly fascinating topic, and Logan can’t prevent himself from wondering if Virgil took his advice and what transpired after he departed. Roman certainly had been acting strange when he arrived, and Logan has a theory as to why or more accurately he has a feeling.

He has been feeling a lot recently, and while most of the emotions he has experienced have been pleasant such as admiration, elation and triumphant especially in regards to his assistance with helping Virgil, the fact he is feeling at all isn’t something he is comfortable with.

He is Thomas's logic, his purpose is to assure that things get done and Thomas doesn’t become too distracted by fantasy that he loses sight of reality. He doesn’t have time for such frivolous ideals and emotions that Virgil and the others display regularly. So why then is he still thinking about their conversation, and wondering if Virgil was successful in obtaining a romantic relationship with Roman.

Clearly, he isn’t going to be able to concentrate on his book until he has obtained the results of that situation. The easiest way to do that would be by going to the source, but he is positive that his reappearance would not be well received, particularly if Virgil did confess and an agreeable conclusion was met between him and Roman. His face heats as he very briefly considers how exactly they could express such a thing.

Therefore the only place he might gather more data from is Patton. The moment his mind turns to the cat-crazed side, a smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. Glancing down at his hand, he can almost remember the sensation of warmth he experienced while they held hands and Patton recounted his concerns. He has often found Patton to be exasperating, but recently that had lessened to the point that he actually looked forward to their interactions during Thomas's videos. The most likely reason for that to Logan’s mind is a deepening of their friendship after their combined efforts to aid Thomas.

Setting his bookmark between the pages he places the book down beside him on the couch and rises to his feet, fixing his tie, he concentrates and rises up in Patton’s room.

“Logan!”

A cheerful shout rings out as Patton scrabbles to his feet and races towards him only to trip on the bits of memorabilia littering the floor.

Logan sees Patton's smile disappear as he opens his mouth, his wide eyes screwing shut in preparation for his fall and lunges forward with his arms outstretched. Capturing the other side in his arms, he tugs him closer and more securely to his chest. His accelerated heartbeat matching Patton's, who slowly opens his eyes and blinks up at him.

Loosening his grip, he observed the way Patton's sympathetic nervous system is flooding his face with blood causing his cheeks to turn scarlet and finds the reaction a pleasing sight even as he worries about injuries.

“I just can’t seem to stop **falling** for you,” Patton jokes, as he offers a broad grin and a small self-deprecating chuckle. The pun is terrible, and typically Logan would despair of Patton's humour, but after his talk with Virgil, the words resonate with something in his head. For a second, he theorises on what it could be like if Patton had those feelings for him. The unlikely possibility filling him with uncertainty as he doesn’t know how to mental process that idea except that it feels relatively ‘nice’.

The result of his pondering being that when he tries to speak a strange choking cough is the only noise that is emitted.

Patton frowns as he studies Logan which causes his own face to flush, the skin becoming hot as more heat is released and he tries to dispose of his senseless idea. Dropping his arms from where they are wrapped around Patton, he crosses them over his chest and takes a few steps away, seeking distance and clarity.

His eyes scan Patton's room, seeking a distraction from his turbulent thoughts, and his eyes focus on the disarray. Patton isn’t the tidiest of sides, but there has always been some form of organisation to his chaos.

“What happened here?”

“Ah, Remus, I think. I got back from talking to Roman and found the place a mess, but I’ve almost finished cleaning up.”

Patton’s tone is relaxed, but his eyes linger sadly on the floor, where there are several ripped papers placed into a rough pile.

Logan clenches his jaw; in all likelihood, Remus had visited Patton's room before coming to his when he found it empty. If he had known that sooner then his reaction to the Duke would have been much more antagonistic. While he had been displeased hearing of Remus's games with Virgil, Logan managed to reason with himself that Virgil is capable of defending himself, but Patton. He has never so much as said a bad word about anyone, going out of his way to be friendly to all of Thomas's sides even when they don’t deserve such respect.

Remus’s destruction had been uncalled for and unnecessary, while that sums up Remus perfectly Logan is having a great deal of difficulty accepting that as his temper rises.

“This is intolerable, I should-.”

Patton's hand settles on his arms, the tips of his fingers resting on Logan’s heart that stops for a moment before beating once more.

“Calm down, Lo, It’s just stuff, nothing important. Hey, now I have space for a whole bunch of new memories.”

Even as Logan can see the reasoning in Patton's claim, he knows the other is more distressed than he is admitting. Looking closely, he can see the sheen of tears in Patton's eyes before he momentarily gets distracted by the range of pigments that made up his brown pupils. Honey tones and even flecks of green visible due to the magnification of his glasses while they are stood this close together.

Logan has never bothered looking at his own eyes, and during the videos, they tended to be a few feet apart making precise observation difficult. He blinks as Patton moves away and couches down, collecting up Thomas's old journals.

“So, wanna tell me wants bothering you?”

“What makes you think anything is bothering me?” Logan asks as he fixes his glasses and folds his arms once more across his chest.

“You seem distracted, and you don’t usually drop by without having a good reason.” Standing with his arms full Patton gives Logan a knowing grin.

“You are very insightful; I do have a topic I wish to discuss with you. Earlier I visited Virgil, and we had an interesting conversation until Roman arrived in an irate state.”

“Yeah, that was kinda my fault. Roman finally realised his crush on Virgil after I pointed it out to him, that kiddo can be a silly billy sometimes,” Patton says with a chuckle as his hands tighten on the books in his arms as the wobble. “He got a little worked up because he was scared Remus had already worked it out and would hurt Virgil to get to him. I tried to talk to him, but you know Roman, act first and think later.”

Logan nods, “Indeed he does have a habit of doing that. Nevertheless, your talk with Roman and the one I had with Virgil will hopefully result in a satisfactory outcome. You probably would have been more efficient with Virgil, but I believe I convinced him to confess his feelings.”

“Really,” says Patton a little shocked before dropping the books onto the floor and leaping forward to wrap his arms around Logan in a hug, “That’s great! Those two will be so cute together, and it might even stop them fighting all the time if they aren’t hiding their feelings for each other.”

“Oh, um, yes,” Logan stutters finding his arms full of Patton, the woven wool of his cardigan is soft under Logan’s hands as they rest on Patton's shoulders having been risen in surprise at Patton’s unexpected motion.

Patton imminently draws back, pushing his glasses back up and tugging on the sleeves hanging before his chest, “Sorry, I know you’re not a hugger.”

“It’s fine Patton, on occasion, it is a pleasant experience,” Logan states his arms relaxing at his sides feeling the absence on Patton's body heat. He had enjoyed Patton's closeness; though he isn’t convinced it would have been as gratifying from one of the other sides. Frowning at his line of thought he doesn’t realise Patton has inched closer to him again until a hand waves before his eyes.

“Hmm,” he murmurs as he looks over at Patton.

“You looked like you were thinking pretty hard there, Lo, everything ok?”

Logan looks away again for a moment before clearing his throat and trying to express his current predicament.

“I’m confused,” he hazards as a guess.

“Hi confused, I’m dad,” Patton instantly says as he points a thumb to himself, letting out a chuckle as he smiles cheekily at Logan. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist. So what’s got you confused, normally that’s my line, and you have all the answers?”

Logan studies Patton, his glasses are slipping a little down his nose, and one sleeve of his tied cardigan is slightly longer than the other. Distractedly he reaches out and unties the knot and reties it, so they are level, it’s not much different than knotting his tie.

“I’m not sure how to describe it; I am unfamiliar with emotions and have never had to regulate several of them at once. It is trickier than I previously thought.”

While his room heightens reasoning Patton's heightens emotions and Logan is struggling to think clearly when his feelings are overwhelming his mind. Concentrating harder he endeavours to organise them by identifying each of them in turn and the effects they cause. There is a nervous tightness to his chest and a restless energy that causes his fingers to drum on the side of his legs.

Then there is a pleasant tingle over his skin and a slight increase to his heart rate, nothing too alarming but unexplainable. His head also seems affected, ideas and thoughts slowing or fixating on tiny details such as the length of Patton's eyelashes or the freckle he has on the right side of his face near his ear. Satisfied with Patton's fixed garment he looks back up to see Patton is once again blushing, the heat has even spread to his ears, and the tips are now bright red in colour.

“It gets easier with practice, dealing with feelings. I don’t understand how you can stay so calm all the time and focused,” Patton shrugs, finally reaching up to push his glasses back in place with a finger.

Logan feeling frustrated tries to find the language to explain succinctly what he is undergoing but he keeps thinking about Virgil and what he had said to him.

_We are drawn, on an unconscious level, to the familiar._

_People chose romantic partners based on perceived similarities in personality with their parental figures._

_The higher the correlation and the more positive the trait, the more satisfactory the relationship._

_Oh._

For the first time in his existence Logan feels idiotic, the answer has been before him the whole time as well as the emotions, but they had been subtle and easily ignored. Whereas, here in Patton’s room with them being magnified there is no way for him to escape their transparent meaning.

Tilting his head, he stares at Patton wearing the same glasses as him and the almost matching logos on their shirts, both in the same style. However, he knows that appearance is not as important as shared traits. Using the logic he applied with Virgil, Thomas would also be his figurative parental figure, and no one exhibits more of Thomas’s qualities than Patton, especially his positive ones. He is Thomas's heart, his conscientious and caring nature condensed into physical form. Their roles within Thomas have always been linked, both sharing the same goal. They want Thomas to be happy and healthy and prosperous, so while Logan guards his mind, Patton protects his emotions. Two sides of the same coin, if one wishes to be poetic about it, different but always connected by their place and necessity.

Logan knows they haven’t always agreed, but when they worked together, they can accomplish the impossible.

He once said that sometimes the heart wants what it wants and you have to listen to it, now it is required for him to take that advice.

“I believe I might be developing an infatuation for you, and I am unsure what to do with this information or how to proceed,” he offers eventually feeling slightly flustered by his declaration. Lowering his head Logan trains his gaze on the floor, staring with fixed intensity at a picture of Thomas at a school science fair, the image creased but intact. The sharp glint in Thomas's eyes is Logan’s influence, but the childish grin is full of Patton’s pride and happiness.

A warm hand takes his, fingers interlocking in a firm grip and he glances up at Patton. The tears collecting on his bottom lashes make his eyes shine, but the smile on his face is what leaves Logan feeling blinded. His cheeks creasing where his mouth is stretched so wide and a row of white teeth are displayed between parted peach coloured lips.

“I wasn’t sure you could have those sort of emotions, but I hoped,” Patton whispers as the first tear falls and Logan quickly reaches up with his free hand and wipes the damp trial away.

“Then…why do you appear to be sad.”

“I’m not sad,” Patton answers as he leans into Logan’s hand and closes his eyes. “I’m crying because I’m happy, really really happy.”

“Still, tears are rarely a good sign so I must have done something wrong; perhaps there is a more eloquent way I could have expressed these emotion-.”

Logan’s words are cut off as Patton's lips cover his, the soft flesh moving against his own and he does his best to emulate the action finding the sensation magnificent.

“I love you,” Patton mutters as he draws away enough to take the breath necessary to say the words. Patton’s warm breath passing over Logan’s damp lips causes a shiver to go down his spine in reaction. It takes him a second to respond as the relevant synapses fire back into life.

“I love you too, Patton,” Logan affirms with a gentle smile and not a trace of doubt. His theories and ponderings have been transformed into a simple fact of life, as permanent and unchangeable as Newton’s laws of gravity.

He loves Patton, and that is how it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this fic is all done and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.


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